


Shadows & Regrets

by assbuttintheimpala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Human, Anal Sex, Angst, Artist Castiel, Bottom Castiel, Dean/Cas Big Bang Challenge 2015, Infidelity, M/M, Mechanic Dean, Top Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 02:26:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 40,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5030083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assbuttintheimpala/pseuds/assbuttintheimpala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off the movie ‘Sweet Home Alabama’. When Castiel’s boyfriend, Balthazar, proposed to him on the opening night of his exhibition, Castiel had never felt happier. He was on top of the world however it all comes crashing down around him when he must face a mistake he made in his past that he thought he could out run and leave it in the past where it belonged. He had never been more wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my wonderful Beta's who did a great job in editing this for me! They can be found [here](http://hiyochi.tumblr.com/) and [here](http://adoring-dean.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Due to a bit of a mix up I ended up with two different people doing art so for you lucky people reading this fic you can check out their hard/amazing/spectacular artwork [here](http://synesthetecas.tumblr.com/tagged/dcbb15%20) and [here](http://goodquestionharlie.tumblr.com/post/131473960183/title-shadows-regrets-author/). Thanks so much for your artwork and all the effort you put into it! I really am in awe of your talent!
> 
> Credit for the title goes to Yellowcard. It's a great song and really sums up what this fic is about which you can listen to [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVR8-PpK3wQ)
> 
> Without further ado, the fic!
> 
> Enjoy!

“Cas! Wait!” Dean called out to the boy running out in front of him but Castiel paid no mind, instead he looked over his shoulder and grinned at the boy that was chasing after him.

“Cas!” Dean yelled again this time angrier than the first. “Cas, stop!”

“No!” Castiel answered over his shoulder before pushing his feet harder into the ground and sprinting off faster. He rounded the corner towards the garage and laughed to himself as he heard Dean growl in frustration.

“Castiel, answer my question!” Dean panted as he finally caught up to Cas, running beside him as they sprinted the last few hundred yards.

“No!” Castiel replied before he stopped and looked at the sight before him. A rusted, piece of junk on four wheels to anyone else but to Dean and Castiel, it was everything. They had found it one summer day when they were riding their bikes around town and had instantly fell in love with it.

Everyone else thought it was just a sight for sore eyes but Dean and Castiel saw different. There were two entire doors missing on the right side of the car, the entire metal work was rusted and in desperate need of a clean­up, and the interior leather seats were torn and the stuffing spilling all over the place. The tires were missing, leaving the rusted rims to sit on the ground, the glass windows were shattered and there was no engine under the hood. It was in need of someone with a lot of money, time, and skill to get it back to what it was in all its glory, but that didn’t hold back the boys’ imaginations. 

“No you won’t marry me or no you won’t answer?” Dean asked as he panted beside his best friend.

“Dean,” Castiel replied as he looked towards his friend, “I’m only ten years old, I have a whole life to live.” 

Castiel didn’t see how his best friend’s face fell, his emotions clear as anything on his face because he was already heading towards the car and slipping into the front seat to sit where the steering wheel would be if the car had one.

“Why do you want to marry me for anyway?” Castiel asked as he pretended to drive the car, shifting the gears on the imaginary gear stick and pulling out into the street.

Dean had slid into the seat beside him, watching out the cracked windscreen as to where Castiel was taking them. When Dean didn’t reply, Castiel turned to look at him only to see the other boy staring back at him, his bright green eyes filled with hope. 

“So I can kiss you any time I want,” Dean replied as he shifted ever so closer to the other boy.

Castiel gasped in surprise, his eyes widening at what Dean had said. The shock didn’t stop him from looking down at Dean’s lips, his cheeks instantly blushing at the thought of them upon his own. When his eyes glanced back up to Dean’s, he could tell the other boy was looking at his own before he shifted his sight to look Castiel in the eyes. 

With their eyes locked, they both slowly leaned forward into one another until their lips met in a chaste kiss. Their eyes had both slipped closed as their lips met, a simple press of Dean’s lips upon Castiel’s own but it was enough to send sparks of electricity through Castiel’s body at the short touch.

All of a sudden a cat jumped onto the hood of the rusted car, startling the two boys apart from one another. Dean was out of the car in a second, sprinting off down the road Castiel quickly following, laughing the entire time.


	2. Chapter 2

Castiel woke with a small jolt, coming back to reality. He rubbed his eyes slightly, removing the remnants of sleep from his eyes. He fell asleep in the kitchen. He heard a soft meow and looked to see the stray cat from the apartment above had once again found its way into his home and was rubbing his head against Castiel’s hand, begging for attention. With a smile, Castiel reached his hand out and scratched the cat behind its ears, his grin growing wider as the cat began to purr.

“You want some food, don’t you?” Castiel cooed as he moved his hand to rub under his chin, “greedy little kitty cat,” He chuckled as he stood up from the small table in his kitchen, to move over to the fridge, stretching out his cramped muscles as he did. He grabbed the packet of cat treats he had picked up from the store a couple of weeks after he had moved into his apartment building, when it looked like his neighbour’s cat was going to be a regular occurrence. He’s positive the only reason the cat came back was because Castiel gave him treats, but it didn’t bother him, he liked the company on nights when he was up late painting.

With a start, Castiel suddenly realised what day it was. He quickly gave the cat his treat before jogging down the hall towards his bedroom where his phone was charging. As he expected, there were half a dozen missed calls from his event organiser and agent, Crowley, and twice as many messages asking where he was.

Hurriedly, Castiel unlocked his phone and called Crowley back.

“Cassie!” the Englishman greeted, “How nice of you to _finally_ call me back.”

“Crowley, I’m so sorry,” Castiel apologised hoping that his voice portrayed his sincerity, “I was up all night worrying how tonight would go. In the end, I was making myself a cup of cocoa and fell asleep at the table, so I didn’t hear my alarm go off.”

“It’s alright,” Crowley soothed, “We have time. Get yourself showered and dressed. Meet me at the gallery as soon as you can. There are a few things we need to go over.”

After he had hung up, Castiel quickly made his way around his apartment getting ready. He had a quick shower to rinse of the grime from the previous day before he dressed in form fitting black slacks, a white button down that had a grey strip down the buttons, a grey cardigan, and his favourite black dress shoes. As he walked out the door, he grabbed his big woollen coat and slipped it over his shoulders, making sure to put his keys, wallet and phone into his pockets as he locked the door behind him.

When he got outside, the cool autumn chill hit him, causing him to pull his jacket around him tighter. Seven years in New York and he still wasn’t used to how cold it would get so early in the season. Out of all his friends, he was the first to start wearing a couple more layers when the temperature turned south. They called him soft, but for nineteen years, Castiel grew up in the south.THe south, where the summers were long and when it did turn cold, putting on a jumper was enough to fight against it. He figured eventually he would get used to it, but seven years going, he was still shivering as soon as August ended.

Castiel jumped off the subway a couple of blocks away from the gallery and headed towards the Starbucks on the corner to grab himself a coffee. He needed the caffeine to survive the long, nervewracking day ahead.

Just after he had ordered, his phone started vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out to see who was calling and couldn’t stop the smile that formed across his face as he stared down at the screen. Staring back at him was no other than his boyfriend’s picture and caller ID, Balthazar.

He was an incredibly handsome man who had a charming smile that Castiel had fallenl for in an instant.

The man was bold and didn’t hide his attraction from Castiel the second they had met. It had taken Castiel by surprise how forward he was but the longer he talked to him, the more he found that he liked the attention. Balthazar made him feel wanted, made him feel like he was the only thing that mattered.

“Hello, Balthazar,” Castiel greeted, still smiling from ear to ear.

“Morning, Cassie,” his boyfriend replied causing Castiel to roll his eyes. Castiel detested the name. They only reason he didn’t chastise Crowley was because he was organising the most important event of his life, and he _did not_ want to piss him off. People who pissed off Crowley did not get successful careers.

“Balthazar, you know I hate that name so why do you insist on saying it?” Castiel growled into the phone just as his name was called out to collect his coffee.

With his phone pressed between his ear and his shoulder, Castiel made his coffee with two sugars and stirred it before he replaced the cap and made his way back out into the autumn breeze.

“Oh come on, Darling, you know I’m only teasing. Figured you could use a little humour to distract you from tonight,” Balthazar replied, his voice displayed his clear concern as to how Castiel was coping.

“Yes well that doesn’t mean you get to call me that. As for tonight, I’m nervous but excited at the same time.” he replied before he took a sip of his coffee, savouring the way the warm liquid warmed his insides with just one sip.

“You’ll do great I’m sure of it,” Balthazar soothed, “You’re going to be the next big thing, Castiel.”

Castiel smiled and ducked his head under the praise, “Thank you, Balthazar. You always know what to say to keep me sane.”

Balthazar’s chuckle made Castiel feel just a bit lighter, “It’s why you keep me around isn’t it?” he teased.

Before Castiel realised, he was stood outside the gallery. He looked inside the glass door to see Crowley inside bossing around the interns to get everything ready for the exhibition. With a sigh, he stepped away from the entrance and leaned against the brick wall beside the glass doors.

“I have to go,” he said with a resigned sigh, “I’ll see you tonight?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. You know that, Darling.”

“I’ll see you tonight then, I love you.”

“I love you too, Cassie,” Balthazar replied his tone laced with humour. He knew the other man would be smirking at him if they were stood face to face and it aggravated him that much more, “You’ll do great.”

After hanging up Castiel made his way inside instantly being caught up in the whirlwind that was Crowley.

“Ah, Castiel, how great of you to finally join us. It’s not like we’re busting our asses to make tonight a success or anything,” Crowley greeted, dripping sarcasm.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t had much sleep lately, between finishing the last of the pieces and worrying about the future. I truly am grateful for everything you’ve done, Crowley. I wouldn’t be anywhere without you.”

“You’re damn right you wouldn’t be,” Crowley huffed, “Now go and have a look at each piece, decide if it’s in the right place, or if you have any last minute changes to its position, or if you want it removed completely. Everything needs to be in the right position by five, so you have three hours to inspect everything and see if it’s all up to standard. When you’re done, you need to go eat and change and be back here by sixthirty. Doors open at seven.”

Castiel nodded away, having heard everything Crowley had said over ten times already as well as having it emailed to him at least three times a day. He knew Crowley was just making sure everything ran smoothly and he was a little relieved that he wasn’t the only one that was panicking over the event.

“Well hurry up, we don’t have all day,” Crowley snapped, shooing Castiel in the direction of where the patrons were meant to start their tour around the gallery. He knew that most people would just go wherever they wanted, but he had a slight order to his pieces and he wanted them all to be in the right place so they could tell the right story.

Slowly, Castiel made his way around the room with Samandriel in his wake. The boy was one of Crowley’s interns, who was also an aspiring artist. He had taken up the internship with Crowley so he could gain some experience in the industry as well as see if it was a career he truly wanted. Castiel had taken him under his wing and had tried to give him as much advice as he could. Trying to inspire him to continue with whatever he chose to do.

Samandriel was quick to make any changes Castiel asked of, and when he asked for his opinion, he would shyly give his answer as if Castiel would yell at him if he didn’t agree. Of course, Castiel never had, he always took what the boy had said into consideration before either passing over the idea or putting it into action.

Castiel noticed how each time the boy would gain a little more confidence and it made the older man happy to see that he was starting to see that his opinions actually mattered. After an hour and a half, they had made their way around the entire gallery and all the changes had been made. Once Samandriel had made the final adjustment to the final piece, Castiel told everyone they could leave for the afternoon and he would see them all that evening at the exhibition. He thanked them all for their hard work and told them that he would not forget them if he did make it to the big time. They all laughed and gave him a hug wishing him luck for the evening before they headed off leaving him alone in the gallery.

As he looked around the empty room, Castiel made his way to the center of the space feeling a soft thrum of excitement mixed with nerves under his skin. The event would either make or break his career. With a soft sigh, Castiel took a seat on the hard wooden floor in the centre of the room and just breathed in the quiet atmosphere. In a few hours, people from all over the city would be in this room to look at his art.

Crowley had been adamant that he needed to have anyone who was anyone at his event and had spent a lot of money on getting the big names to give up some of their time. A few had already seen some of his art that he had done before he had found Crowley and had known he had talent but no one other than the interns, Castiel, and Crowley had seen the work that was in the gallery for the exhibition.

He had no idea how long he had sat there until the door behind him opened and in stepped Crowley.

“What are you doing on the floor?” the man asked as he walked over to stand beside where Castiel was sat.

“Just taking it all in,” Castiel replied before he stood to his feet and brushed himself off.

“Cassie,” Crowley started turning to face the other man, “You have nothing to worry about, they’re going to love your work, and you will be the next Picasso in no time.”

“I highly doubt I’m the next Picasso,” Castiel deadpanned, “But I’d settle for selling most of my work for market price tonight.”

“Well that I’m sure you will do,” Crowley replied with a grin, “Now come on, you’ve got to get home and spruce up. I’ll see you when you get back.”

If Castiel thought he was nervous the night before, it was nothing compared to how he felt once he got back to the gallery. Crowley had told him to eat but there was no way Castiel was able to keep anything down. Dressed in an allblack suit with black tie and white button down, Castiel was sweating like no tomorrow. He was unbelievably nervous as the time the doors were to open grew closer and closer.

Balthazar had messaged him all throughout the day as if he could read Castiel’s mind and had known how nervous he was. He had just wished the other man was there with him to hold his hand and calm him down with his ever present calmness but being an agent for some of the top celebrities in the country meant he was in constant meetings and didn’t have the time to be with Castiel through the day. He knew if he could, Balthazar would be there in an instant but instead, Castiel would have to settle for waiting until seven o’clock when Balthazar told him he would arrive.

Of course, when the time arrived, Castiel realised he had absolutely nothing to worry about. The queue to get in ran around the block and people were clearly excited when they doors were finally opened. The patrons flooded the space, quick to start to view all the art pieces. Servers were walking around handing out champagne and hors d'oeuvres. Castiel had already gone through at least two glasses of champagne.

People knew who he was as soon as they saw him and were complimenting him from the outset on his success. They told him what they thought of the artwork and he would simply thank them and tell them to continue to enjoy themselves.

When he had a small lull in the amount of people coming up to him, Castiel pulled out his phone to see if Balthazar had sent him a message to say he was running late as he was still nowhere in sight. Hands wrapped around his waist startling him but as warm lips pressed against his cheek, he could smell the familiar cologne and instantly smiled, turning in Balthazar’s arms to greet him properly.

“I was beginning to worry you weren’t going to show,” Castiel said as he pulled away, taking in his boyfriend’s appearance of black jacket and slacks with a grey button down with the top few buttons undone to show off the skin of his chest. Balthazar was always wearing deep vnecks so it was no surprise to Castiel to see him with the buttons undone and no tie to be seen.

“Of course I was going to show,” Balthazar replied kissing Castiel once more, quickly on the lips, “I would never miss your big night.”

Castiel smiled at his boyfriend, hugging him once more before he finally pulled away from him, but took one of his hands in his own just to help the small trace of nerves that were still coursing through his system.

“Look at all these people, Cassie,” Balthazar said gesturing around the room with his free hand, “They’re all here for you, to look at and buy your work. I’m so proud of you, Darling.”

“Thank you, Balth,” Castiel replied leaning into Balthazar’s shoulder, “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” his boyfriend replied kissing the top of his head.

Two hours later, the crowd of people had thinned out to the point there were only a few people left. Castiel was pleasantly buzzed with the amount of champagne he had drunk and all nerves that he had felt at the start of the evening had definitely dissipated.

Crowley had come over earlier to tell him that he had already sold six of his pieces with plenty of offers to buy others. He had been informed that there would more than likely be an auction on at least four of his pieces, which were bound to reach well over the market price. It left Castiel giddy with excitement that he was finally able to make money doing something that he loved.

“Castiel.” Balthazar whispered in his ear once Crowley had left, “Come with me, we’ve got to go to mother’s fundraiser. She’s expecting us soon.”

“Do we have to?” Castiel whined already feeling some of the excitement slipping away at the prospect of finishing the evening with Balthazar’s mother.

Castiel had nothing against Naomi but she had a grudge against Castiel. She didn’t believe Castiel to be good enough for Balthazar but as the Mayor of New York she couldn’t outright say she didn’t like him or she would be labelled as a homophobe by the media. Of course, it wasn’t true, Naomi was one of the biggest pushers for New York to have samesex marriage legalised but if it came out that she didn’t like her son’s boyfriend then the media was sure to spin it into something it wasn’t.

In truth, Naomi didn’t like Castiel because he was apparently ‘distracting’ to Balthazar’s career. When in truth, Castiel never did anything to keep Balthazar from his meetings. He always understood if his boyfriend had to suddenly cancel their plans because a meeting ran longer than it was supposed to or if he suddenly had to go across the country to sort out an incident. It never stopped Castiel’s affection for the other man. He knew what it meant to put your career before anyone else; Castiel knew that more than anyone.

“Yes,” Balthazar answered his arm snaking around Castiel’s waist and pulling him closer into his side, “Unfortunately we do have to. Come on, it will be over before you know it. The limo is out front waiting for us.”

“Fine,” Castiel resigned letting himself be lead outside to the car where the climbed inside.

As soon as they were inside, he noticed how Balthazar was fidgeting a little. He couldn’t seem to keep still as they drove in the direction of the venue but Castiel put it down to nothing more than having to spend the evening with Naomi, who was always whispering to Balthazar how he should just move on from Castiel and find someone who was actually worth being with. Of course it hurt his feelings to hear his boyfriend’s mother speak about him like that but he always felt a little better when Balthazar would stick up for him and put his mother in his place.

When the car stopped on the street, Castiel peered out the window and noticed they weren’t anywhere near the venue.

“Why are we stopping here?” Castiel asked trying to identify where they were but as he was a little buzzed and it was quite dark outside, he couldn’t figure it out.

“I forgot something here today. Won’t be a moment, come on,” Balthazar said as he climbed from the car holding his hand out for Castiel to take and be helped from the car.

“Can’t I just wait in the car?” Castiel grumbled as he climbed unsteadily from the car.

“Don’t be a whiny baby,” Balthazar chastised, “It won’t take too long.”

“Fine,” Castiel replied still grumbling a little as he was pulled through the several doors.

When they reached a room that was pitched black, he finally stopped grumbling at look at his boyfriend confused.

“Where are we? Why is it so dark?” Castiel asked trying to look around and find something that could tell him where they were.

All of a sudden, the entire room lit up, revealing they were in fact inside a Tiffany & Co.

“Balth? What’s going on?” Castiel asked, looking around the room before he looked to his boyfriend only not finding him standing but on one knee in front of him. “Oh my god,” Castiel gasped looking down at the man on his knee. “Are you? What are you doing? Balth?” Castiel stuttered so confused with all the emotions and questions running through his head.

“Castiel,” Balthazar said calmly, “We’ve known each other for a year now, dating for nearly as long and

I’ve never known anyone like you. You’re charming and witty, talented and stubborn, brave and strong. You’re everything I could have wished for and more. I never want to live a day without seeing you or talking with you. Would you please do me the pleasure of marrying me?”

“Whawhat?” Castiel stuttered once more, mouth agape as he looked down at Balthazar, “You’re being completely serious right now? This isn’t some joke?” When he really looked at Balthazar’s face he could tell he was not joking. It was sudden, came out of nowhere but he knew nothing would make him happier. “Yes!” Castiel screeched as tears clouded his vision, “Yes, I’ll marry you,” he said as he pulled Balthazar up and into a tight embrace, their lips meeting as they did so.

“You had me worried there for a second,” Balthazar joked as he pulled away, one hand cupping Castiel’s cheek and wiping away the tears with his thumb.

“I’m sorry, you just took me by surprise is all,” Castiel reassured leaning into the touch.

“That was kind of the point.” Balthazar laughed causing Castiel to slap him lightly on the arm.

As he looked around the room, he noticed all the rings on display and all the smiling employees looking on. Castiel suddenly became shy hiding himself in Balthazar’s chest.

“Come on, Darling, let’s choose our rings,” Balthazar said leading him by the hand to the counter.


	3. Chapter 3

“Cassie!” a voice yelled when Castiel answered his phone through the Bluetooth in his car. He had rolled his eyes as soon as he saw who was calling but he couldn’t avoid him forever and instead chose to answer the call.

“Gabriel,” Castiel replied to his best friend, “How nice of you to call me.”

“Well it’s not like you left me much choice! Here I was sitting down with the morning paper checking to see if there were any comments about your exhibition last night only to see smack dab on the front cover, my best friend with his _fiancé’s_ mother – who by the way does _not_ look impressed – announcing the engagement. How could you not tell me? Your best friend of all people?”

Castiel chuckled at how dramatic his friend was being. When Castiel had first moved to New York he hadn’t known anyone. He had stayed in a hostel for a month while he tried to find a place to live and had come across Gabriel, who had also recently moved to the city. Gabriel had known more about the city than Castiel had at the time, and had given him the grand tour of the place. In between apartment hunting, Gabriel would show Castiel all the spots to go to in New York and the ones to avoid. He was Castiel’s first real friend outside of his home town and they had quickly grown into best friends over the years.

Gabriel was an aspiring chef when Castiel met him. He had a particular love of all things sweet. All through his culinary courses, he was renowned for his desserts that would leave you completely satisfied if not with a few extra cavities. His dream was to open his own restaurant, and had been working three different jobs to keep himself afloat as well as saving to buy his own place. Knowing that Gabriel could use a helping hand, the two of them found a small one bedroom apartment that had enough room for a pull out couch and lived together for nearly two years. When Gabriel finally had enough money, he found an old diner that needed renovating and turned it into one the top restaurants in the city in less than eight months. Castiel had never been more proud.

It was because of his highly popular restaurant that Castiel hadn’t seen Gabriel the night before at the exhibition. He was a little disappointed that his best friend couldn’t make it to one of the biggest nights of his life but he knew that Gabriel would have been there for him if he could have so he didn’t hold it against him.

“I’m sorry.” Castiel replied, chuckling as he remembered the look on Balthazar’s mother’s face when she had seen the ring on his finger, “Balthazar and I had agreed to keep it quiet until I had told my parents. We knew that if we announced it that night, everyone would know by the morning and my parents would be disappointed because I hadn’t been the one to tell them.”

“So you decided instead to just turn up at a highly public event with an engagement ring on and figured ‘Oh I’m sure they won’t notice the new addition in jewellery’?” Gabriel replied.

“Well actually,” Castiel began, “We hadn’t really thought that far through? I was giddy with excitement, Gabriel. Balthazar just asked me to marry him! I wasn’t in my right mind.”

“You’re an idiot.” Gabriel teased, “Why don’t you bring your idiotic ass over to my place and we’ll have a chat over leftover mud cake.”

“Uhm,” Castiel hummed, “I can’t.”

“What?” Gabriel questioned, “Why they hell not? Too busy celebrating your engagement with Balthazar?”

Castiel chuckled and rolled his eyes at how quickly Gabriel would jump to conclusions, “No I can’t because I’m on my way back home.”

“Home? So just turn around you literally live like five minutes down the road from me.”

“No Gabriel, home as in _home_.”

“Oh my God!” Gabriel shouted, “You’re going _home_? Why didn’t you just say that? Jesus, Cassie, you really were serious about this whole telling the parents thing.”

Castiel nodded as he looked out the window briefly watching the trees fly by as he sped down the highway. He wasn’t far away from heading into the town where he grew up. It had been a short flight down to the airport where he rented a car and then had to drive for three hours before he would get to the small township. It was a long drive and as the towns he passed through got smaller and smaller, he already began to dread what was going to meet him when he arrived.

“Yeah, well hopefully I don’t have to stay down here too long. I’m already missing the city,” Castiel admitted with a sigh as he drove through yet another small town that was full of pickup trucks and people dressed in faded denim and plaid. It was a whole different world down there and he wasn’t sure if he was ready to head back into it.

“Keep in touch, Cassie. When you get back I want to hear every detail of your little adventure down there.”

Castiel snorted, “There’s going to be nothing to tell, Gabriel.”

After Castiel ended the call, it was another fifteen minutes before he pulled into the small town he used to call home.

“Home, sweet home,” Castiel sighed as he gripped the steering wheel just a little bit tighter. It was the last place on earth that he wanted to be, but if he ever wanted to marry Balthazar then he had to go home first.

Castiel drove through the familiar streets, ignoring the nostalgia he felt as he drove. He stifled his inner child who was begging to be released. However, the closer he came to his actual destination, the dread started to rise inside him. He thought by now, it would be over, that he would never have to see him again but of course, he was a stubborn asshole who wouldn’t give Castiel what he wanted.

As he pulled into the all too familiar driveway, Castiel took deep calming breaths until he parked his car and turned the ignition off. He sat in his car for a few moments, trying and failing to lower his heart rate before he reached into the back seat and grabbed the papers. After one last calming breath, Castiel stepped out of the car into the late morning sun. It was a lot warmer than it had been in New York and as he took in a lungful of air, he felt his entire childhood come running back with just the smell that filled the area. When he turned around, however, he couldn’t help but feel he had made a grave mistake by coming all the way down there.

Castiel didn’t have long to stand there before the front door opened smacking against the faded weatherboard cladding with a thwack. Looking at the man stood on the porch, Castiel felt a surge of anger rush over him. The man that had made his life a living hell after high school was stood before him with a smirk on his face as he inspected the person and no doubt car before him. The green tshirt he was wearing stretched across his torso showing off his welldefined muscles from the years that he was a football star. Taking in the faded denim jeans, the biker boots, the short brown hair, the perfectly defined cheek bones, the jade green eyes, and the smirk that was set upon those plump lips, Castiel could tell that the man before had no clue who he was.

“Whatever you’re selling I ain’t buying so if you wouldn’t mind you can back your European import off of my property and head back to where you came from,” the man said lieu of a greeting.

“I’m not here to sell you anything, Dean,” Castiel replied, “What I want is for you to stop being a stubborn asshole and give me a divorce.” Castiel dramatically slapped the papers he was holding on the hood of his European import as he watched with amusement as Dean’s jaw dropped as the realisation dawned upon him. Castiel peered around Dean smiling as he saw the Border Collie – Zepp – stood behind him watching the scene. He thought after all the years that Zepp wouldn’t remember him but as soon as he caught a sniff of Castiel’s scent he was bounding down the stairs and over to him. In a flash, he was on his hind legs, licking a giggling Castiel’s face.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Dean snarled as he walked down the steps watching the scene with hard eyes.

“I believe I just told you that?” Castiel deadpanned as he pushed Zepp back onto the ground patting him behind the ears as he spoke further, “I don’t want to be here anymore than you want me here so just do us both a favour and sign the damn papers so I can go home.”

“Home?” Dean questioned, “Do you parents even know you’re here?” Castiel stood, crossing his arms over his chest and glared at Dean, “They don’t do they? Well why don’t you march your ass right over to their place and talk to them. Then maybe we’ll talk but not before then.”

“What does it matter if I have or have not gone to see my parents? My whereabouts doesn’t concern you. You lost that right when I left,” Castiel retorted before he rounded the car and headed towards Dean.

Dean high tailed it back into the house the moment he saw Castiel heading towards him. The front door was slammed shut before Castiel had even made it up the stairs.

“You’re behaving like a child!” Castiel yelled through the screen door at Dean, who was stood with his arms over his chest.

“You think I care about that? Get out of my house, you aren’t welcome here.”

“Well if you signed the damn papers I would leave you alone! Just let me in Dean, and we can settle this like adults!”

“No!”

Castiel rolled his eyes and stomped off down the porch once more. Dean had moved away from the door, no doubt to lock the back door but Castiel had stashed a spare key under a rock next to the steps when they had lived together. He pulled out the spare key and unlocked the front door before he took a seat on the couch with Zepp following him obediently, smirking when he looked at the look on Dean’s face when he emerged from the kitchen to find Castiel sat down.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean grumbled under his breath.

“Next time you want to lock someone out, maybe make sure that they don’t know where the spare key is kept,” Castiel patronised.

Dean crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Castiel, his eyes narrowed as he spoke, “Well if I knew where the damn thing was kept then maybe I could move it!”

“Look Dean, I’m not here to argue. All I want are the damn papers signed,” Castiel sighed, still absentmindedly patting Zepp.

“Yeah, you made that very clear the first time,” Dean replied before he stomped across the room and into his bedroom, slamming the door shut in his wake.

“Petulant asshole....” Castiel muttered under his breath as he waited for Dean to reemerge. He would wait all night if he had to.

Fortunately for Castiel, it didn’t take all night. In fact it was barely ten minutes later when Dean emerged from the bedroom with a mischievous grin on his face.

“What did you do, Dean? Who did you call?” Castiel questioned, rising from his seat as fear started to fill him.

The smirk on Dean’s face only grew, making Castiel feel even further unease.

“Honestly, Dean I don’t know what you want from me. We haven’t seen each other in seven years, yet every time I send you these papers you send them right on back. You realise every single time you send them back I get charged by my lawyer and trust me when I say that his bills _are not cheap_.”

“Well hate to break it to you, darling, but that ain’t my problem. If you’d just come back down here and settled this _like adults_ ,” Dean mimicked as he stepped closer to Castiel, “Then maybe I would’ve given you what you wanted earlier.”

“Seriously? What the hell is wrong with you Dean? Did you think that if I came down here I’d take one look at you and think ‘why did I leave, I had such a good thing going here’?! I had nothing here Dean! You knew right from the get go that as soon as I could, I was out of here!” Castiel yelled, his arms flailing around as he did so. Zepp was off cowering in the corner of the couch, watching with sad eyes as his owners yelled. When Castiel noticed, he stopped, sitting on the couch and cooed him back over. “I’m sorry boy,” Castiel apologised reassuring the dog with a scratch behind his ears, “I’m not here to argue with you, Dean. Can you please just sign the damn papers?” Castiel whispered.

Dean made his way to the other side of the threeseater and took a seat, shuffling the papers over so they were sat in front of him on the coffee table. He was just looking at the front page, when there was a car door shut outside.

“Dean?” A man yelled from outside, “Who’s car is that?” As soon as Castiel heard the voice, he knew exactly who it was.

“You called Benny?” Castiel growled, “Still have him fighting all your battles for you then.”

Dean stood and glared at Castiel before he made his way to the front door to open it for his friend.

“Hey Benny,” Dean greeted as his friend stepped through the door, his eyes settling on Castiel instantly.

“Cas?” Benny breathed, “What the hell are you doing here?”

“I could say the same to you,” Castiel replied before he took in what Benny was actually wearing. He was dressed in a sheriff uniform, gun and all, with his badge on proud display, “You called the fucking sheriff?!” Castiel yelled at Dean.

“See now, Cas, you can’t just break into a person’s house,” Benny reasoned hands raised as if Castiel was a baby animal that was easily spooked.

Castiel’s eyes squinted, “I didn’t break in, I used a key.”

“Well still, this isn’t your house anymore, Cas, you can’t just come in here and act like you own the place.” Benny continued as he looked between the two men, Dean wearing a malicious grin as Benny looked to be unhooking his handcuffs from his utility belt.

“I wouldn’t have had to if Dean would just sign the damn papers.” Castiel reasoned.

“What papers?” Benny asked as he moved around Castiel and picked up the papers that Dean had previously been looking at. “Shit, you two are still married?” Benny asked, “That changes everything then. Sorry, brother, but if y’all are still married this house is as much his as it is yours.”

Castiel grinned as he watched Dean’s grin turn sour. He tried to protest, but it was no use.

“Sorry, Dean, there’s nothing illegal happening here.” Benny replied before he turned to Castiel, “I hope you ain’t just ditching town as soon as you’re done ditching him. There’s a few people ‘round here that’d be more than happy for a catch up at the Roadhouse.”

“I’m sure there are...” Castiel mumbled under his breath, “You know what, I’m just going to head off. I can see that this asshole isn’t going to change his mind tonight. I’ve waited this long, a couple more nights won’t hurt.”

With a huff, Castiel grabbed the papers from Benny’s hand and stormed out the front door. Zepp tried to follow him and even though it hurt to say goodbye again, he stooped down to kiss his head.

“I’ll be back tomorrow, boy, I promise. Go inside,” he instructed, watching as Zepp did as he was told, looking back to Castiel as he did so. It was so reminiscent of the last time that he felt himself tearing up. He was so hurt leaving Zepp behind knowing that he was probably blaming himself. Every time that a car pulled up he was no doubt running out to it excited that it might be Castiel coming back. Of course, it never was and Castiel knew the dog was hurting just as much as he was.

As Castiel climbed into his car, he wiped his tears away, feeling all the hurt and regret rushing back as he remembered the last time he drove away from the same house, thinking that he would never come back but as he dug deeper, remembering why he had left in the first place and what he had now, a small smile tug onto his face. A second later, he had pulled out his phone and rung Balthazar.

“Darling!” he greeted, “How’s it all going?”

“Good.” Castiel replied trying to hide the emotion in his voice, “I’m just about to head in to see my parents.”

“You haven’t seen them yet? I thought you would have been there by now.”

“Yeah, I just got a little distracted along the way.” Castiel replied.

Balthazar didn’t know about Dean and he didn’t want Balthazar to ever find about Dean. Dean was his past, it had nothing to do with who Castiel was now. If it was up to Castiel, he would have never have married Dean, instead he would have just run away to New York, cut all ties and never seen his exbest friend ever again. Hindsight was a beautiful thing and Castiel just wished that he hadn’t been so caught up in his first love that he could have seen that the marriage was doomed from the start.

“Well, I’m sure they’re going to be excited to see you, give me a call when you can.”

“I will,” Castiel replied.

“Love you, Darling.”

“You too,” Castiel replied before he hung up.

With a sigh, he started his car and pulled back onto the main road, trying to compose himself as he drove to his parent’s house.


	4. Chapter 4

By the time Castiel reached his parents’ house, it was already dark out. After his long trip, all he really wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep but he knew as soon as he walked through the door, his parents would be all over him.

With a sigh, Castiel climbed out of the car, popping the trunk as he went so he could pull out his bags from inside. He shouldered the duffle and carried a backpack over one shoulder as he made his way towards the front door. He stood for a few moments wondering whether he should knock or just open the door and head inside. After so many years away, this house wasn’t his home anymore, and he resigned to knocking.

Nervous, he stood on the doorstep waiting for what felt like hours before the door finally opened to reveal his father. He was just like the last time he saw him, scruffy beard, plaid shirt over a black teeshirt, faded jeans and a cap on his head that he was never without. His father was startled to see him there for a moment, before he stepped aside and let his son enter without a word.

“Ellen!” his father called out, “Cas is here!”

“What?” Ellen yelled back, “Cas?”

“That’s what I said!” Bobby replied still eyeing Castiel wearily as Castiel dropped his bags on the floor.

A moment later, his mother emerged from the end of the hall, her expression opening up in surprise before she broke into a wide grin, running the last few feet to pull his son into a tight hug.

“Why didn’t you tell us you were coming?” She asked when she pulled away slightly, cupping his cheeks and looking at him for a moment before she pulled him into yet another hug that Castiel struggled to return with the way she was squeezing his arms to his side.

“Surprise?” Castiel breathed, when she finally let him go.

“It’s a surprise alright.” his father grumbled behind him.

“Bobby!” his mother chastised, “Your son is home after how long and that is how you treat him?”

“Sorry son,” his father apologised, “Just shocked is all. Let me take your stuff to your room.”

“Thank you,” Castiel nodded at his father as he watched him pick up his gear from where he had dropped it by the door and carry it down the hallway to where his childhood bedroom was.

When he returned his gaze to his mother, she was glaring at him.

“Do you not eat up there in that big fancy city?” she interrogated, “You’re all skin ‘n’ bone. Here take a seat, let me cook you up some food.”

Castiel knew from growing up that there was absolutely no room for disagreement so he went with it and followed his mother through to the kitchen where he took a seat at the table when his mother guided him to it.

“Actually, my friend Gabriel is a chef, he feeds me very well,” Castiel reasoned, quickly backtracking when his mother turned to glare at him with a raised eyebrow, “Of course it’s nothing compared to your home cooking, mom.”

“I should think not,” his mother replied before she turned back to her cooking.

Right on time, his father took a seat at the head of the table, eyeing Castiel up and down.

“Don’t you eat anymore or something?” he grumbled making him chuckle.

“That’s what I said,” his mother chimed in as she continued to chop while the pan heated up.

“What are you doing here, son?” his father asked.

“Bobby!” his mother protested, “Don’t be rude!”

“It’s okay, mom, honestly. It’s not like I didn’t expect it. I haven’t been down here since I left so it’s not exactly surprising that you are surprised to see me. I’m sorry it took so long for me to get down here.” Castiel said, dropping his head to look at the plaid table cloth. The pattern was everywhere with nowhere to escape.

“It’s fine, baby,” his mother soothed running a hand lovingly through his hair and down his nape like she used to when he was younger, “You’re here now.”

“Yeah I am,” Castiel reiterated as he thought over whether now was a good a time as ever to reveal why he had really made the trip all the way down.

“Have you been to see Dean?” his father asked, “Boy’s doing quite well for himself.”

“I’m sure he is,” Castiel replied internally rolling his eyes because from what he could see Dean was still the same old Dean. Stuck in the world where he was the star quarterback for the high school team given the opportunity to play in the big leagues with a full scholarship to NYU only to have it torn up because of an injury in the offseason that meant he couldn’t ever play professionally. It had torn Dean apart and it had hurt Castiel to see Dean like that because he knew how much it meant to him. But life went on and apparently Dean just couldn’t handle not being able to play any longer.

“Maybe if you gave him a chance, talked to him, you’d see that,” his father went on.

“Look, Dad, I know what you’re trying to do. I know you love Dean and I did too once, but things change. I’ve moved on with my life and apparently he’s just stuck in the same old cycle. I’m not getting back together with him no matter what you say. We’re over and have been for a long time now. As soon as he signs the papers then that’s it forever,” Castiel finalised.

“Papers? What papers?” his mother asked as she started frying up potato.

“The divorce papers,” Castiel answered as he continued to glare at his father who was unrelenting in his stance about Dean.

It was obvious Bobby had always wanted Dean to be a part of their family. Whenever he had the chance, he would take the two boys to his workshop where he would teach them everything he knew about cars. Castiel himself never had any interest in it. Sure he loved the Impala that they played in when they were younger but he believed it to be because it was a symbol of his dream to leave, to just get in the car and drive wherever he wanted. Dean on the other hand had seen it as the opportunity to make something that wasn’t seen as much, into something beautiful. He hung off Castiel’s father’s every word when they were in the shop, learning everything he could.

After school and during the school break he’d be in the shop, where he got a job once he was old enough. Castiel, however, spent his free time painting, drawing, taking photos, or anything that involved making art. He knew in a way what Dean was doing was an art, and he appreciated it but for Castiel, he didn’t want anything to do with it.

“You’re making it final then?” his father asked him snapping him from his thoughts.

“Yes, I am…. trying to anyway. Dean is being rather stubborn. I’ve been trying for years to try get him to sign the papers. I hadn’t minded so much before but now I need him to sign them because“ Castiel said before he stopped himself realising what he was about to tell his parents. He knew his mother would be happy for him, but he was unsure of his father’s reaction. He could tell from the few words they had already spoken that his father wanted him to stay married to Dean,` but he hoped that if he told him that he’d found someone else, someone that loved him, and would do anything for him he would see past the life he wanted for Castiel to have with Dean.

“Because?” his mother dragged out with a questioning glance at him.

“Because I’ve met someone,” Castiel rushed out, looking down to his hand and realising that he hadn’t removed the ring when he had gone to see Dean. He knew that Dean had probably seen it. He had always been very observational, never missing subtle hints. He felt a small pit of regret start to swirl in his gut because he hadn’t wanted to find out like that if at all.

“And we’re getting married,” Castiel carried on ignoring the feeling in his gut as he lifted his hand and showed his parents the ring on his finger.

“Holy hell!” his mother yelled before she ran the few steps over to her son and looked at his hand. “I’m so happy for you, baby!” She lifted him to his feet and brought him into another hug that was, if possible, tighter than the last one.

When she let him go, he turned awkwardly to his father who seemed to be processing what had been said.

“Does he make you happy?” his father asked him. Castiel thought for a moment before he nodded.

“Yes, he makes me happy,” Castiel answered.

“Then I guess that’s all that matters. Congratulations, son,” his father said gruffly as if it was struggle to say it but Castiel knew it was only because his father struggled to show any emotion. Castiel was just glad that he got that much out of him.

“I can’t wait to see Jo’s face,” his mother said breaking the moment between the two men, “She’s going to be so excited to be your maid of honour again, especially after what happened at your last wedding. I just hope this one isn’t as much of a disaster.”

“It won’t be,” Castiel affirmed, “Balthazar is nothing like Dean. He wouldn’t get so blind drunk the night before that he was still drunk the next day and consequently hungover for our wedding.”

“Never say never,” his father mumbled under his breath, just loud enough for Castiel to hear. Instead of picking a fight, he instead let it slide as his father still being mad about Castiel’s divorce to Dean.

“Where is Jo anyway?” Castiel asked as he took a seat again wondering where his sister was. Jo was the only person that had visited him up in New York. It had been a year after he had left that she had paid for a plane ticket up to the city for a couple of weeks in the summer before her senior year of high school. It was one of the best few weeks Castiel can remember ever having with his younger sister. She had been completely enthralled by the big city and all the people, wanting to do everything she could in the time she was up there. Of course, Castiel was happy to indulge her and dole on her every whim, she was his baby sister after all.

“Roadhouse, she’s taken over running the place now. She’s doing a pretty good job too, means I don’t have to be there as much as I used to unless we know it’s going to be busy,” his mother answered making Castiel feel just a little guilty that he hadn’t known about his sister’s gain in responsibility.

“Which is never,” Castiel mumbled earning a slap to the back of his head as his mother dropped a plate in front of him.

“Stop with the sass and eat your food.”

“Yes, mom,” Castiel answered feeling like he was twelve years old and a puberty stricken teenager, instead of an adult.

Obediently, Castiel ate his meal, answering questions about his life up in New York and about his fiancé. It was mostly his mother that was asking all the questions but every so often, his father would ask something and it made him feel warm inside to know that his father actually did care.

“How did he propose?” His mother asked him, her eyes shining with joy as if she knew there was a story behind it without even being told.

“It was after my exhibition opening,” Castiel answered as he pushed his plate to the side, “He told me he had to make a stop on the way to his mother’s fundraiser and pulled me inside with him. All the lights were off and it was too dark to see where we were. When I had asked him where we were, the lights flicked on and he was on his knee in front of me while I looked around the room realising we were in a Tiffany’s.”

“Wow!” his mother exclaimed, “This guy sounds like he doesn’t have you pegged at all!”

Castiel squinted his eyes looking at his mother with confusion, “What’s that supposed to mean?” he questioned.

“Oh come on baby, you were never one for the big sappy romance. You would never sit down and watch a romance movie with us, or Dean for that matter, always saying how it’s all a load of cock and bull before leaving to go wreak havoc with Dean.”

Castiel rolled his eyes at his mother, “I was like twelve, mom, I’ve changed. What Balthazar did was amazing, I’m very lucky to have him”

“Whatever you say, baby,” his mother cooed as she stroked his cheek lovingly before she stood and took his plate so she could clean up. With a look to his father, he could see that same disbelieving look on his face as when he told them he was leaving Dean. It hurt that his parents couldn’t see how much he had changed but he knew it was only because they hadn’t seen him in so long and hadn’t had the chance to see it.

“I’m going to call it a night,” Castiel decided as a huge yawn made him realise just how tired he was.

He hugged his mother, gave her a kiss on the cheek, bidding goodnight to his father and then headed down the hall to his old room.

As soon as he entered, his life before he left rushed back to him. All the stressed memories of the nights he’d spent sketching at his desk putting the finishing touches on his drawings or the times he spent sprawled on the floor surrounded by photos as he chose which ones he would collate for his final project. His walls were still covered in various music posters, random artwork he was fond of and inspired by, as well as an entire wall of photographs. It was something that he had been immensely proud of in his youth. He’d spent so much time behind the lens, taking photos of just about everything he could.

Castiel walked towards the wall, his hand reaching out as he got close enough so he could trace his fingers over the images that were his past. Many of them were of the town, the people he used to call his friends. There were plenty of the spots around town that Castiel would spend a majority of his time with Dean. Of course, there were also plenty of photos of Dean. He was the most prominent image on the wall. Dean working at the workshop, Dean laughing at some long forgotten joke, Dean with his cheeks full of food as he wolfed down one of Castiel’s mother’s burgers, the two of them on their first day of school with big grins on their faces and arms around one another’s shoulders and right next to it – the two of them on their day of graduation, Dean kissing a blushing Castiel on the cheek while they held their certificates.

As Castiel inspected the wall closer, he realised that that was the last photo he had put up. It was shortly after they had graduated that they had gotten married and Castiel had moved in with Dean. Looking back now, he wished he’d taken the time to savour those moments when life was easy, that he had a best friend who had his back no matter what and their relationship was everything that Castiel had ever wanted. He had been naive to think that Dean would be it for him, that they would be high school sweethearts that would defy the odds and have the a happy ending that people dreamed of.

With a sigh, Castiel turned away from the wall and went through his routine for getting into bed. After he’d brushed his teeth he stripped down to his boxers and climbed into his too small double bed and soon drifted off to sleep dreaming of his childhood and the ever present green eyes that had given him such joy.


	5. Chapter 5

“Cas! Cas!” someone’s voice yelled above him. He grumbled, pulled his comforter higher over his head and rolled away from the person trying to disrupt his sleep. “Cas, you fucker, wake up! I haven’t seen you in years and now you won’t even wake up to say hello to your _only sister_?”

“Jo?” Castiel mumbles as he pulled back the comforter so he could see her. His eyes squinted at the light before they came into focus to see the long blonde hair and brown eyes’ of his sister, “Time is it?” he asked groggily as he sat up, rubbing his eyes.

“Almost ten.” She answered as she took a seat on the bed, forcing him to move over so she could sit down properly. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming down?”

Castiel sighed heavily as he wondered how many people were going to ask him that exact question. “It was a spur of the moment thing.” he answered, “I needed to get something sorted.”

“Does that something have anything to do with you still being married to Dean?” Jo asked. Castiel glared at her, wondering as to how she could possibly know that. “What, news travels fast.” she defended. “I’m pretty sure the whole town knows you’re back and that you’re still.”

“Fuck,” Castiel muttered, pressing his hands to his eyes. If the whole town knew, then there was no way he was going to make a quick exit. It was going to be a long few days of talking with people who he really didn’t care for anymore.

“You of all people should have known you wouldn’t be able to fly under the radar, Cas. You and Dean were always the talk of the town.”

“I know,” Castiel replied angrily. He hated how people wanted to be in everyone’s business especially his and Dean’s.

“Alright then.” Jo said as she stood up abruptly, “Get up, you’re taking me out for brunch.”

“Brunch?” Castiel asked confused, before he shook his head, “Fine whatever. Leave me in peace so I can get changed.”

Castiel watched as his sister left the room before he got up and searched through his bag for a pair of clean jeans and a tshirt. He quickly made his way to the bathroom and relieving himself before he brushed his teeth and headed out to find his sister. “Finally,” Jo sighed when Castiel emerged.

“I took fifteen minutes tops.” Castiel protested.

“Fifteen minutes too long.” Jo retorted as she grabbed Castiel’s hand and pulled him out the door.

“Where’s Mom and Dad?” Castiel asked as they climbed into Jo’s pickup and headed towards town.

“Dad’s at the shop and Mom went to run inventory at the Roadhouse.” Jo answered.

Castiel nodded before speaking again, “I hear you’re basically running the place now?”

“Yeah, pretty much... Just the nights though. I leave all the boring stuff to Mom. I basically look after the staff and make sure they’re doing what they’re supposed to be doing.” she explained.

“That’s great Jo!” Castiel praised happily. He knew deep down that Jo aspired for more but Castiel could tell that his sister wasn’t ready to hear it so he kept his mouth shut about the future. Jo was a person that was easily annoyed and as stubborn as a mule, just like their father, so picking your battles with her was a wise move.

“So when are you going to tell me about that ring on your finger?” his sister asked, side eyeing him as she drove.

Castiel looked down at his hand with a small frown. He would have to remove it before they went around town because there was no way he was going to be telling everyone that he was engaged again. “Sorry I didn’t call you and tell you. I was sort of on the next plane down here after it happened.”

“It’s fine.” Jo waved him off as she pulled into the parking lot of the local diner. When Castiel realised where they were, he sighed heavily again and turned to glare at his sister. “What? It’s the only place in town that cooks decent food.”

“I hate you...” Castiel grumbled as he climbed out of the car.

“No you don’t.” his sister fired back before she headed off in front of him towards the front door of the diner.

Mumbling under his breath, Castiel followed his sister, keeping his head down the whole way. Of course once they were inside, there was no way he was going to be able to go unnoticed.

“Well look who just walked through my front door,” a warm familiar voice called out as they entered. Castiel lifted his head looking in the direction of the greeting. An uneasy smile crossed his face as he looked at the woman before him with wavy blonde hair, a caring smile, and bright green eyes that were an exact replica of Dean’s.

“Hello, Mary,” Castiel greeted wearily, as he was still unsure as to how he would be greeted by Dean’s mother.

“Hello? That’s all I get? How many years have you been gone now, seven? And all I get is a hello? Get your ass over here boy and give me a hug!” Mary playfully scolded as she opened her arms to him.

Castiel broke into a grin himself as he crossed the room and wrapped his arms around Dean’s mom. She always gave the best hugs although he would never admit that around his mother. As he pulled away she was still smiling at him.

“It’s good to see you,” she said, “I’ve missed my favourite soninlaw.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, “I’m your _only_ soninlaw and soon to be _ex_ soninlaw.”

Castiel watched as Mary’s face lit up, “You got engaged?”

“Yeah I did,” Castiel replied, relieved that Mary wasn’t angry at him. She was a second mother to him and even though he and Dean weren’t exactly friends right now, he still hoped that she would be present in his life.

Mary Winchester had such a huge influence over his childhood and she was such a strong independent woman, just like his own mother, that it was impossible to not fall in love with her. She had looked after both Sam and Dean on her own after their father, John, had died shortly after Sam had been born. She juggled being a single mother as well as opening her own diner and had been successful in both. Her boys, though Dean in the past few years wasn’t who he used to be, were great people. They looked out for their own and were both extremely intelligent. Castiel knew that Sam was off in California with a full scholarship to Stanford University, much to Jo’s dismay. She had had a crush on the other boy ever since they were young.

“Well then, I guess I’m going to have to join you two for brunch so I can hear all about it,” Mary chirped, before she turned to the kitchen and shouted, “Ash! Give these two whatever they want on the house! I’m going to take my break and catch up.”

“Yes, ma’ma!” Ash replied, his mullet still present, making Castiel snort with amusement.

“Come on cityslicker.” Mary said dragging Castiel towards a booth near the back of the diner, where it was a little more secluded.

A huge meal later, Castiel was completely stuffed full and had told Mary and Jo all about his fiancé back in New York. He had told them everything that was currently happening in his life, about the show and his work, about Balthazar, and also his friend Gabriel. It was nice to have people that were excited about what had happened in his life and not constantly judging him for leaving. He knew his parents meant well but their constant disapproval or subtle hints that he should have stayed in the backwater town were hurtful.

Mary had always been the mom that had sat Castiel down every so often and asked how he was, what was happening in his life, and where he wanted it to end up. She was great with advice and helping him to achieve his goals. Castiel was immensely pleased that she was still just as friendly and motherly to him even though his relationship with Dean hadn’t worked out.

“I’m proud of you, Cas,” she said as he finished getting them both uptodate with his life.

“Me too, bro.” Jo chimed in making Castiel duck his head with a smile under the praise.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you both tomorrow night. I’ve got to get back to work, but it’s been nice seeing you again Cas. Don’t be a stranger! I’m only a phone call away no matter the distance geographically,” Mary said hitting him playfully on the nose with her index finger.

Castiel nodded and told her he would definitely keep in touch more. She seemed pleased by his response and headed off towards the kitchen once more to resume her work.

“What’s happening tomorrow night that I need to be aware of?” Castiel asked confused as to where he was apparently going to be the following evening.

“Uh, the fair?” Jo said as if Castiel was completely stupid. “It’s the same day every year, Cas, how could you forget?”

“Maybe because I’ve tried to forget everything about this stupid town,” Castiel grumbled as he grabbed his milkshake and finished the last of it.

“Gee thanks, bro, way to make your sister feel special.”

“You know what I mean, Jo. I hated this place for so long. If I didn’t try to forget, then I wouldn’t have been able to carry on and get to where I am now. Honestly Jo, the year after I left was the worst year of my life. I was a mess. When you came up to see me, I had literally only just got over it and was starting to feel normal again. Coming back here has just brought back a lot of emotions and I don’t know if I can handle it all. The faster I can convince Dean to sign the papers the faster I can get out of here.”

“I know, Cas,” Jo sympathetically replied as she reached over the table and covered Castiel’s hand with her own, “I know it’s hard but hey... You’ve always loved the fair so why don’t you just forget about everything else for once and just enjoy it?”

"Jo, I don't know," Castiel trailed off, looking out the window at the cars driving down the strip. He had loved the fair, all the rides, the food, as well as the live band and dancing. His inner country boy was getting excited about the prospect of it and even though his head was telling him to not get too comfortable and let down his walls. The child in him was telling him to just relax and have some fun for once. But if he went to the fair it would mean he would have to socialise with all the people he used to be friends with. He would have to explain to them why he left and why he had stayed away for so long, let alone why he was back.

"Cas," Jo said sternly, forcing him to drag his attention back to his sister, "Dean isn't the only person you walked out on. You left behind a whole bunch of people who cared about you who still care. You can't just not see them."

"I know Jo... it's just...It’s just, I wouldn't know what to say," he admitted with a sigh.

"Honestly Cas, you’re such a dweeb. You’ve been in one of the biggest cities in the world for how long and you’re still socially inept!” His sister criticised. “If they ask you about the big city tell them about it, if they ask you about your career then tell them about it, and if they ask you about the stuff happening with Dean then maybe just tell them to stay out of your business."

"I guess you're right..." Castiel agreed even if he was a little bit taken back by his sister’s remark, however, after so many of years of Jo’s bluntness he was used to it. He knew he was being stupid. These people were once the only friends he had, who would listen to his dreams of running off to the big city and gave him that extra push when he would doubt himself. To not take the opportunity to see them once more would be cruel on his part.

"Of course I'm right!" Jo grinned, "Come on I've gotta head to the bar soon. I'll drop you at home."

"It's fine," Castiel waved off, "I'll walk, need the air."

"Okay," his sister shrugged, "I'll see you later then. Stop by the bar, have a drink with the old crew."

"Yeah, maybe," Castiel smiled before he gave his sister a hug. He watched as she climbed into the pick up before waving at her as she drove off down the street towards where the Roadhouse was. Once she was out of sight, he started the walk home.

Castiel had barely made it a few steps before his phone started ringing in his pocket. Quickly he fished it out of his pocket and looked down at the screen, instantly feeling a little lighter when he saw Balthazar's smiling face on it.

"God, I miss you." Castiel said in lieu of a greeting.

"I miss you too, Darling, you're too far away for my liking." Balthazar replied with sincerity in his voice.

"Just a few more days and I'll be home, promise."

"I can't wait." Balthazar replied, "Now the reason I called; guess what I'm holding."

Castiel sighed, his hand moving to his forehead in slight frustration while his eyes flickered around the street to see if there were any people nearby, "If you say your penis, I'm going to hang up." He growled into the phone. Castiel had lost count of the amount of times Balthazar had called him appearing innocent but was actually after phone sex in the middle of the day.

The laugh he got from his fiancé was joyous enough to tell him that he had assumed wrong for which he was grateful.

"No, Cassie, as great as that sounds, I'm about to have a meeting with a client. I just wanted to call you because I had a spare few minutes and I had just been emailed the link from Crowley to read an article about your exhibition."

"What?" Castiel gasped, his hand covering his mouth.

"I'm just as surprised as you are, I had no idea a reporter had checked it out but apparently they had." his fiancé said.

Castiel struggled to find words as nervousness churned in his gut as to what the article might say. "WhWhat did it say?" Castiel stuttered out.

"Well," Balthazar sighed, "To be honest, I think you might want to be sitting down."

It felt as though someone had punched him in the gut at Balthazar’s words.

“Was it that bad?” Castiel asked, barely above a whisper. He could already feel tears welling up in his eyes at what the reporter might have said.

“Are you sitting down?” his fiancé asked.

“Balthazar,” Castiel growled, “Just tell me right now or so help me”

“Calm down darling, I’ll read it out.

‘ _The new gallery that opened in downtown Manhattan last week, featuring the up and coming Castiel_

_Singer, who not only paints, but sketches and photographs; is fresh and breathtakingly beautiful. Although some may argue that he should focus to just one medium, I for one can say that he should pursue every medium he can get his hands on. Every single piece in that gallery was simply outstanding. I, myself, bought several different pieces and I know for a fact many others have too. Castiel Singer is the next big thing to hit the art scene and before long, everyone will know his name.’”_

“What the fuck” Castiel gasped, completely taken back from what Balthazar had said. “HowWhatWhy,” he stuttered.

“You did amazing Cassie, just like we all knew you would.”

Castiel couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe as he tried to process what Balthazar had just read out to him. He honestly could not believe that he had received a review like that. He knew for every good one there were bound to be several bad reviews, but to have the New York Times tell him that his exhibition was breathtakingly beautiful, he couldn’t process it.

“You know, this lady just rambles on about you for at least another 3000 words so I’m not going to read it all,” his fiancé teased, “So I’m just going to send you the link and you can read it yourself but believe me when I say it gets better from there.”

Castiel gasped yet again, “It gets better? How could it possibly get any better?”

“Just read it, Darling.”

“Fine, I will but I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it.”

“I wish I was there to read it with you but work is calling.”

Castiel let out a heavy breath. He understood that Balthazar was busy and the fact that he had taken a moment out of his day to actually read an article about him and then call Castiel with the news made him grin like an idiot.

“I understand.” Castiel replied, “I’ll let you get back to work.”

“I’ll call you later, what are you doing tonight? Anything interesting?”

Castiel rolled his eyes, “Nothing interesting happens down here.” he scowled, earning a chuckle from Balthazar.

“I find that very hard to believe, you came from down there after all.” Balthazar retorted smoothly.

Castiel huffed a laugh before he replied, “Aww, aren’t you a sap.”

“Only for you, Darling,” Balthazar replied, chuckling as he did so.

Castiel scuffed his feet along the pavement, “I’m going to my Mom’s bar tonight to see some old friends so I might not call you until tomorrow.”

“That’s fine, have fun and I’ll talk to you when I talk to you. I love you, Castiel.”

“I love you too,” Castiel replied before they said their goodbyes and he pushed his phone into his pocket before starting his walk home.

Five minutes into his walk and he realised where he was. It was the same path he and Dean used to run or ride their bikes down nearly every day to get to their favourite spot. Wanting to see what became of the car that inspired him and gave him a sense of hope, Castiel turned off the main strip and headed towards the empty lot.

He felt strange as he approached where the car used to be parked. He had no idea what to expect but for some reason, he hoped it was still there. He wasn’t sure why, as it would only remind him of the times he and Dean would run to it to escape their lives for those few hours and just get caught up in fantasies of what their lives will be like when they were old enough to get married. Again, Castiel couldn’t help but sigh at how naïve he had been.

When he finally reached the spot where the old Impala used to be parked, despair washed over him as he looked around only to find the rusted old beauty gone. There was nothing in its place, simply an overgrown grass patch where it used to be, indicating that it had been gone for a fair while. Tears welled up in Castiel’s eyes as he moved closer, making him feel even more stupid than before. How he had gotten so attached to an inanimate object was beyond him. He felt angry that it was gone but he also felt like a huge part of his life had just gone, disappeared without a trace.

That car had been a symbol of his escape to freedom and now that it was gone, he just felt empty. There were times when he was in high school that he and Dean would have a fight and Castiel would storm out of the house walking aimlessly as he stewed over what he and Dean had argued about before he wound up in the exact spot he was stood now. It was so unbelievably calming to visit a place that had given his childhood meaning but as he stared at the empty space, he just felt a feeling wash over him that he couldn’t recognise but he can’t stand in the same spot for a second longer.

Instead, Castiel turned on his heels, wiped the tears from his eyes and continued his walk home. He pushed the feelings aside and chose to focus on his plan of attack to get Dean’s signature to end their marriage for good.


	6. Chapter 6

By the time Castiel had made it home, he had formulated a plan in his head. Well part of a plan. He knew he had to visit Dean at the garage with the papers, maybe make a scene in front of his workmates, and then somehow convince him to sign them. That was the part he had no idea how to do. Dean was as stubborn as they came and when he had set his mind on something, it was extremely difficult to sway. It was a trait that Castiel had both admired and despised. It meant that Dean was set in marrying Castiel from an early age but it also meant that he was never going to willingly let Castiel leave for the city without him. Of course Castiel had tried to convince him to leave with him but Dean had already decided he was going to remain in the backwater town they called home, and so was Castiel.

Angry at how Dean had tried to force Castiel to stay and give up on his lifelong dream, he climbed into his rental and drove off down the main road, southwards, towards the garage that his father owned and Dean worked at. He was gripping the wheel tighter than normal as he remembered their last interaction and how Dean had just outright refused to sign the papers as well as calling Benny to come and escort him from the house.

Ten minutes after he had climbed into his car, Castiel pulled up at his father’s garage with a sigh. It was yet another place that he shared memory upon memory with Dean. Of course there were very few places in town that didn’t hold at least some significance to his past life with Dean. Wanting to get things over and done with as soon as possible, Castiel grabbed the papers from the passenger seat and climbed out of the vehicle. Papers in hand, he pulled off the aviators he had on his eyes and headed inside the garage.

To his left was his father talking away on his phone in his office, no doubt to a customer. From the expression on his father’s face, it was obvious that the conversation wasn’t going too well and the customer no doubt was refusing to pay.

On the far right of the garage sat a blue Toyota hatchback with Rufus Turner, his father’s longtime friend and coworker, working away under the hood. There was a younger kid, barely eighteen, working away on a rusted pickup truck in the bay next to Rufus who Castiel didn’t recognise. As he looked around the workshop he realised that there was no sign of Dean. He glanced at his watch wondering if Dean could be on his lunch break but when he saw the time he realised that it was two in the afternoon and there was no way Dean would only just be taking his break.

“What you want, boy?” Rufus yelled out when he looked up and saw Castiel stood in the doorway, “Your father is in his office.”

Rufus had always been a little gruff around the edges, but he used to be quite nice to him until he walked in on him and Dean in a very compromising position one afternoon in the breakroom. Ever since then he had been a bit of an asshole to both him and Dean. Castiel was just glad he didn’t have to work with the him like Dean did.

“I’m not here to see my father,” Castiel replied, stepping closer towards Rufus. He noticed the other boy had stopped working to look up, and Castiel saw the kid duck his head and quickly get back to work on the car in front of him.

“Who you here to see then, ‘cause it sure as shit ain’t me,” Rufus replied as he grabbed a rag from his belt and wiped his hands off before throwing it in the vicinity of his work station.

Castiel nervously fidgeted under Rufus’ questioning glare before he replied, “I was looking for Dean.”

“Dean?” Rufus questioned, “Dean’s only here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.” The way Rufus was looking at him made Castiel think there was something Rufus wasn’t telling him.

“Why isn’t he here all the time?” Castiel asked, “What does he do when he’s not here?”

Rufus’ eyebrows creased into a confused frown as he looked at Castiel, “What do I look like to you, his keeper? Why don’t you go and ask him yourself seeing as you two are still married and all.”

Castiel rolled his eyes in frustration. Did everyone know about Dean and him?

“Well do you have any idea where I could find him?” Castiel asked.

“Nope,” Rufus answered before he turned away and went back to the car he was working on.

Castiel looked towards the kid under the other car, “What about you? You know where I can find him?” The kid raised his head and opened his mouth as if to answer only to snap it closed when Rufus cleared his throat loudly. The kid shook his head and got straight back to work ignoring Castiel’s frustrated huff.

“Thanks for the help,” Castiel snarled over his shoulder as he headed towards the exit.

“Not our fault you two can’t get your shit together!” Rufus called out to him, “You want to know what Dean’s up to? Ask him yourself!”

Frustrated, Castiel stormed out of the garage, not even bothering to talk to his father because he was ninetynine percent sure he would get the exact same answer from him.

Once he was back in his car, Castiel threw the papers onto the passenger seat once more and gripped the steering wheel hard while he thought of all the places Dean could be. He ran through possibility after possibility as to what the hell Dean could be doing the rest of the week when he wasn’t working at the garage. How Dean afforded to only work two days a week had Castiel completely stumped.

With nowhere else to go, Castiel started his car and headed towards Dean’s house once more. For some reason, he was more nervous the second time around, but he was also curious as to what Dean was up to. He knew he had no right to know what was happening in Dean’s life, just like Dean had no right to his. All he wanted to know was how Dean was supporting himself and why he wouldn’t divorce Castiel like he wanted.

Another twenty minute drive and Castiel was once more outside Dean’s home. Unfortunately for Castiel, Dean’s pickup was nowhere to be seen however, Zepp was sat on the porch a smile on his face as he recognised the car from the previous day. His tail was wagging excitedly and Castiel grinned at how smart the dog was. The second Castiel was out of the car, Zepp bounded down the steps and over to Castiel up on his hind legs and licking at his face.

“Calm down boy.” Castiel chuckled as he tried to stop the onslaught, “Come on, let’s go inside and wait for Dean.”

Zepp eagerly complied, dropping back onto all fours and lead the way back to the house. Every so often, he’d look behind making sure that Castiel was following him. It only made Castiel feel even guiltier that Zepp had to keep reassuring himself that Castiel wasn’t going to leave him again.

Castiel grabbed the spare key and unlocked the door so they could both head inside. He scoped the place out for any signs of Dean and consequently rolled his eyes as he realised that Dean had left the place in a sty. There were dirty dishes all over the kitchen counter and empty beer cans covering just about every surface. There was a stench that covered everything and Castiel couldn’t help but scrunch his nose up at the smell.

“Well boy, it looks like we’ve got some cleaning to do.” Castiel announced to Zepp before moving towards the kitchen and looking for cleaning products. It didn’t come as much surprise when he didn’t find any. “Typical...” he muttered, “What’d you say boy, you want a ride in the car?”

Castiel chuckled as he looked at how Zepp’s tail wagged uncontrollably before he barked a couple of times at Castiel.

After getting Zepp in the car, Castiel made his way to the store picking up just about every cleaning product imaginable as well as some air fresheners. With his purchases paid for, Castiel made his way back to his car, thankful that he hadn’t run into anyone that he used to know. Zepp was obediently waiting by the door for Castiel’s return and as soon as Castiel appeared, he was in step behind him and following him to the car.

“This place is a fucking mess,” Castiel murmured on their return to Dean’s home. It was worse than he remembered and he grimaced as the smell once again assaulted his nostrils.

Ignoring the smell, Castiel quickly got to work. He put on a pair of yellow rubber gloves and started with getting rid of all the rubbish. He pulled out a big black trash bag and started putting everything that he recognised as trash into it. Realising there was a lot of stuff that he didn’t know whether Dean was planning to throw out or keep, Castiel made a second bag and started putting the questionable items into it. It took about half an hour but once all the trash was cleared and things put back into their proper place, it was a lot easier to start the actual cleaning.

The kitchen was what he tackled next, throwing out old food, and dishes that were well beyond being able to be scrubbed clean. He loaded the dishwasher, which apparently hadn’t been used in god knows how long, putting in the first load while he made work of washing all the stuff that couldn’t fit in. Another half hour later and the kitchen was finally clean.

Next on his list was the living room, vacuuming and dusting as well as spraying the furniture to get rid of the smell. All the windows were open, letting in a nice breeze to try and air the place out a bit, and Castiel could tell it was definitely working.

By the time he had finished cleaning the bathroom, (Castiel didn’t even attempt to enter Dean’s bedroom) he was exhausted. How Dean had let his home get so bad he would never know. With a glance at his watch, it was nearing six and there was still no sign of Dean. It would be getting dark soon and he really hoped Dean wasn’t going to take too long as he still needed to get home, shower and change, before he headed to the Roadhouse for drinks.

Castiel collapsed onto the couch, Zepp immediately joining him as Castiel laid down with his feet up. He pet Zepp’s head absentmindedly while he waited for Dean to return. At some point he must have drifted off because the next thing he knew it was pitch black outside and there was the sound of a car door closing which woke him up. Castiel quickly righted himself, stretching and brushing himself off so it didn’t look like he had been asleep for the last hour.

Dean’s heavy footfalls on the deck made his heart beat harder in his chest and he started to feel his throat close up.

“What the fuck?” Dean grumbled to himself, “Why is the fucking door open?”

When he opened it and saw Castiel sitting on the couch, his face dropped from confused into a scowl.

“I should have known it would’ve been you,” Dean said as he stepped through the door and shook off the too big leather jacket that had once belonged to his Dad and he was never without. Castiel used to find it unbelievably attractive on Dean and had once begged Dean to let him wear it. Reluctantly, Dean had on the condition that he wore it while they had sex. Castiel had eagerly complied and had worn it while riding Dean’s cock in the back of his pickup truck one holiday weekend while the rest of their family had been sleeping.

With a shake of his head, Castiel quickly shook himself out of the daze he had found himself in as he looked at Dean. He didn’t want any of those thoughts in his head anymore. Now he had Balthazar and he should only be thinking about Balthazar not about how much of a sex God Dean was.

“What are you doing here, Cas? I think I made myself pretty clear the last time you were here that I don’t want you to be anywhere near me,” Dean sighed as he walked further into the house. He stopped dead still as sniffed the air. “What the fuck is that smell?” he asked looking towards Castiel with a questioning glare before he glanced around the room. “What the fuck did you do to my house? Did you clean?” Dean gave him the most disbelieving look that Castiel almost felt guilty. Almost.

“The place was pigsty Dean, of course I fucking cleaned. There were so many beer cans and empty dishes that I’m surprised you don’t have a rat infestation. I didn’t even attempt to enter your bedroom because if you leave the house in this sort of mess I don’t even want to imagine what’s become of the bedroom.” Castiel declared.

“This isn’t your house anymore! You can’t just waltz in here and do what you like!” Dean protested. He looked around and realised that the place was completely spotless, “Where the fuck is my stuff? Did you throw it all out?”

“No,” Castiel replied as he crossed his arms over his chest, “I put the stuff that I didn’t know where to put in the black bags over there,” he pointed to the two bags beside the front door.

“I can’t believe you went through my stuff,” Dean growled as he stopped over to the bags and upturned them, making a mess.

“Do you mind? I just vacuumed,” Castiel growled.

“Do you mind I just vacuumed,” Dean mimicked sarcastically, “Don’t act like you fucking live here, Cas, because you don’t. If I want to live in a fucking pigsty then I will and that is none of your fucking business.”

“You’re making it my business by not signing the divorce papers!” Castiel protested with a huff. “I wouldn’t have to be here if you just for one second stopped being a stubborn asshole and just signed the papers!”

“Well where the fuck are they?!” Dean yelled back as he stood to his feet and stormed over to Castiel.

Castiel pointed to the papers that he had laid out the table in preparation for Dean to read over. He’d even given him a pen to sign them because apparently Dean didn’t have one lying around in the mess he called a home.

Dean sat down with a huff and picked up the papers in front of him. He seemed to skim the first page before the anger that was present seemed to slip away.

“What happened to us, man?” Dean asked looking up at Castiel with his bright green eyes, “I mean we used to fight but it was never over shitty things like housework.”

“We grew up.” Castiel replied shortly, looking away from Dean as his heart pounded in his chest, “We realised we wanted two different things and neither of us were going to give the other what they wanted.” Castiel looked back to Dean who seemed to nod solemnly, “I guess you’re right...” he whispered, “I mean, who gets married straight out of high school by choice that wasn’t a shotgun wedding.” He chuckled at the end, but it wasn’t humorous, it was hollow and lifeless and Castiel hated it.

“Dean,” Castiel tried but came up short as he had no idea what he was going to say, “Where were you all day?” he asked instead.

Dean looked up to Castiel with confused eyes, the hint of relaxation gone, “What’s it to you?” he asked accusingly.

“Well I went to find you at the garage but you weren’t there and Rufus informed me that you only work

Tuesdays and Thursdays so what is it that you do the rest of the time?” Castiel asked looking down at Dean trying to get an answer out of him. Apparently, it wasn’t working.

“I’ll ask again,” Dean said as he turned in his seat so he was facing Castiel, “What is it to you?”

Castiel swallowed hard as he looked down at the hard look in Dean’s eyes that were hard and unrelenting. “Nothing.” he murmured barely loud enough to hear, realising there was no way he was going to get an answer out of Dean if Dean didn’t want to give it.

“Exactly,” Dean replied, “It’s nothing to you. What I do with my life means jack shit to you. You made that pretty clear when you left and didn’t speak to me for seven years. You think that now you’re back with a new fiancé that I’ll just drop my life, sign these papers and we’ll be friends again? I don’t think so Cas, that’s not how this works.”

Castiel’s stomach dropped, “Hhow did you know about that?”

“About what?” Dean asked, “Your fiancé? You turned up here with a fucking rock the size of Texas on your finger and you have to ask how I knew? Plus there’s the fact that he’s a hotshot agent for some of the biggest stars in the country. It was everywhere. I’m not an idiot, Cas.”

Castiel dropped his head in his hands as he sat back onto the couch.

“I’m sorry you found like that,” Castiel whispered, tears welling up in his eyes that he quickly swiped away so Dean wouldn’t see them. He felt like an idiot for getting so emotional over it and it soon lead to confusion flushing through him.

Dean scoffed, “You mean you’re sorry I found out at all. Look Cas I’m not going to sign these. I mean you could be taking everything from me and I wouldn’t have a clue. I’m going to send them through to Sam, have him check them over and then I’ll get back to you. You got an electronic form that I can email him?”

Castiel nodded, “Yeah, yeah I do.” He pulled out his phone from his pocket and quickly emailed the documents through to Dean. “You know I would never take anything that’s yours right? I mean I have my own life now I don’t need anything from you.”

“I really don’t care, Cas. Sam is going to look them over to make sure everything is kosher. I’ll get back to you later. Right now I’ve got a date,” he grinned as he stood, wiping his hands together.

“Ddate?” Castiel questioned, his stomach twisting into knots at the thought of Dean on a date with someone else.

“Yes, a date.” Dean repeated, “You know things people do when they want to get to know each other?” Castiel rolled his eyes at Dean as the jealousy instantly left him with how Dean was acting. “Whatever.” he dismissed as he stood up again. “I’ll leave you in peace just please can you get Sam to check them as fast as possible I don’t want to have to stay here past the weekend.”

It was Dean’s turn to roll his eyes this time, “Yeah sure sweetheart, I’ll get him right onto it. Not like he’s got anything better to do right?”

“Thank you,” Castiel replied snippily, picking up on Dean’s sarcasm but electing to ignore it. “I will hear from you soon.”

Castiel walked towards the door, Zepp following him once more. He stooped down again and patted him on the head before he kissed him again.

“See you later, boy. Be good for, Dean.”

As Castiel climbed into his car and headed off home, he was just slightly relieved that he and Dean had finally made some progress even if it was minimal. He was still confused with how he had reacted with his emotions but instead of dwelling on it, Castiel did what he did best and ignored it and chose to instead head to the Roadhouse later in the evening and drink away his troubles.


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel had no idea why he was going, but he had promised Jo he would so he’d stay true to his word. He showered and changed into form fitting jeans, a blue tee shirt that brought out his eyes, and a black blazer over the top. He knew he was overdressed but he failed to care.

With his wallet, keys, and phone in his hands, Castiel made his way out the door. He bid farewell to his parents who had settled in for the night in front of the television, looking cosy together on the couch. It was sweet in a way, that even at their age they were still head over heels for one another. Their relationship is what Castiel aspired to have. Sure they fought all the time but they still loved each other and they would always apologise even when they knew they were right.

The drive to the bar didn’t take very long. He could already hear the jukebox that was blasting country music out the wooden shutters windows when he parked. The place was small, surrounded by an empty paddock, with a forest way out the back. It meant that there were no neighbours to complain about the loud noise, not that it really mattered, because just about everyone in town spent their evenings at the Roadhouse.

With a heavy exhale, Castiel climbed out of his car and headed towards the entrance. As soon as he was through the doors, he realised he had made a mistake. The place was completely filled with people from his past who hadn’t even noticed his presence yet but as soon as they did, Castiel knew that he would be caught up in conversations for the rest of the night or snubbed because he had left and hadn’t talked to them since.

“Cas!” his sister called out from behind the bar, catching his attention. She was dressed in a white tank top with skinny jeans, looking completely at home behind the bar just like their mother had. His sister was pouring two beers at once before she passed them over the counter and taking the money from the patrons as she did so. The money was in the cash register a second later, the ‘Absolutely no tabs’ sign rattling against the wall as she slammed the register closed. “You made it!” she grinned.

“Yeah, guess I did...” Castiel murmured as he got closer before he took a seat at the bar.

Jo rolled her eyes at him before she poured them both a shot of something he wasn’t quick enough to catch the label of and passed it over to him. “Bottoms up, sour puss.” his sister declared before she took her own shot and emptied it in a heartbeat, not even phased by the alcohol.

Castiel eyed the glass wearily before he took hold of it and downed it. The bitter taste burnt the back of his throat causing him to splutter for a moment before he righted himself.

“You’re out of practice.” Jo teased. Her grin was huge as she moved away and poured him a beer, “Maybe this is better for you?”

Castiel glared at her but took the beer anyway, “I can handle myself just fine.” he defended, “I just haven’t been in the habit of taking shots lately.”

“I’m sure we can change that.” she winked with a cheeky grin.

Castiel rolled his eyes but he laughed anyway, he could use a good night out and use it to let himself go for a little while, even if it meant he would have to hang out in a dingy bar. At least he had his sister to watch his back.

“Lookie what we have here boys.” a familiar nasally voice called out, “Little Castiel Singer back in town and from what I hear, still hitched to Dean Winchester.”

Castiel twisted in his seat to look over his shoulder only to have his suspicions confirmed. Alistair Mortalis was stood behind with a grin that looked both cruel and terrifying at the same time. Alistair had made Castiel and Dean’s lives in high school a living hell. If there was an award for the most homophobic person in the state it would belong to him. He was cruel and ruthless in his taunting and if Dean wasn’t around then Castiel would have to be extra vigilant because Alistair would take the opportunity to pick on him. It’s what lead to Castiel being able to defend himself because once Dean found out Alistair’s plan, he decided to teach Castiel some moves he had picked up at training so he wasn’t completely useless if Alistair decided to put his words into action.

To make matter’s worse, the guy was on the football team with Dean. Dean was strong and he wouldn’t let anyone see how Alistair’s words hurt him but Castiel knew better. He saw the way Dean’s shoulders would drop and his hands would clench into fists and quake by his side as he tried to keep calm. At one point, Castiel had told Dean to just break up with him so he didn’t have to suffer but Dean being Dean, ignored him and said that not even the most fierce of bully’s couldn’t force him to leave Castiel.

“Alistair,” Castiel gritted out, “It’s nice to see you’re still invested in what happens in mine and Dean’s lives. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were jealous.”

That seemed to stop him in his tracks for a moment, “Jealous?” he snarled, “Why on earth would I be jealous of a thing like you?”

Castiel shook his head, a hollow smile on his face. “Glad to know you haven’t changed, Alistair,” Castiel replied lifting his head so he could look his old bully in the eye as he spoke, “I have however. Your words don’t hurt me anymore, Alistair. They haven’t for a long time. Go ahead, let me hear your worst, I can handle it. I’m a big boy now, I don’t need someone else to protect me. You on the other hand, apparently still need your two cronies to boost your ego.” Castiel gestured to the two men beside Alistair that had been by his side all through high school egging Alistair on and putting in their two cents worth each time they would send out hateful words or throw punches his direction.

Alistair looked taken back and Castiel felt utter relief spread through him.

“Maybe you and your buddies should head off.” Castiel suggested, “I don’t know about the rest of the patrons in here but I’d rather not have my evening ruined by homophobic assholes like yourselves.” The crowd that was listening to the conversation cheered, Castiel glanced around smiling when he realised that the majority of the place was paying attention and were on his side.

Alistair’s face shrivelled into a scowl before he stormed up into Castiel’s personal space and spat, “I’m not finished with you, Singer.”

“I’m quaking in my jeans.” Castiel replied sarcastically, “Let me guess, now’s the point where you tell me to watch my back and I’ll gasp and wonder what you meant by that and then somewhere down the line you’ll jump me with your two goons like you did when I first stood up to you. I have news for you Alistair, I am not a sixteen year old kid anymore. I’ve grown up, I go to the gym, I know how to defend myself after living in New York for the past seven years so if you want to try something, you’re going to have a nasty surprise in store for you if you do. Why don’t you just save us all the hassle and fuck off for good, I hear Mexico is nice.”

The way Alistair looked at him, so offended and taken back that Castiel couldn’t help but smirk wider.

When Alistair tried to take a swing at him, a hand behind him caught his arm before he could even approach Castiel.

“Alright, I think that’s enough for one night, time to head on out, Alistair.” Benny drawled from behind Alistair as he twisted the man’s arm so it was pressed against his back, his other hand came to rest on his opposite shoulder. Castiel watched amused as Alistair was lead out of the bar, snarling over his shoulder at Castiel, telling him he would get him back for humiliating him. The bar patrons were all cheering, shoving Castiel on the shoulder playfully before Jo came up behind him and passed him yet another shot over the bar.

“Wow.” She breathed amazed, “My dorky brother turned into a bit of a badass.”

“I’ve always been a badass,” he protested, “It’s just….I was around Dean all the time and he seemed to take the credit for everything when really---“

“He was the brains, I was the brawn.” Dean’s voice interrupted, startling Castiel, causing him to spill some of the amber liquid in the shot glass he had just picked up from the bar.

“Dean?” Castiel spoke barely audible even to himself, “I thought you were going on a date?” he questioned.

“I am on a date,” Dean replied as he gestured to the woman stood beside him, long brown hair that surpassed her shoulders just slightly, huge brown eyes that looked as if they glowed even in the low light of the bar, sun kissed skin that looked completely flawless, and a huge white smile that had Castiel’s insides churning.

“Hello.” the woman greeted with a friendly wave, “I’m new to town and Dean here was going to introduce me to some people. My name’s Lisa.”

Castiel’s mouth gaped like a fish on dry land as he looked from Dean to Lisa and back again. He must have been stood staring for too long because suddenly he was shoved in the back by his sister jumpstarting him into a reply, “Cas-Castiel,” he stuttered, “My name is Castiel.”

She held out her hand for him to take and he hesitantly took it with a barely there smile, “It’s nice to meet you Castiel. That was quite a speech just before, I assume you two had a bit of history?”

“High school bully.” Dean jumped in, “Now if you don’t mind I think we might go talk over there.” And with that, Dean moved away from Castiel, steering his date over towards a free table.

“It was nice to meet you!” Lisa called over her shoulder before she broke out into giggles when Dean whispered something in her ear. By the way her cheeks started to flush, it was clearly something inappropriate.

It caused Castiel to grit his teeth and turn back to the bar where he picked up the partially full shot and downed it in one go before he ordered another one from his sister.

“Okay, a second ago you could barely handle one shot now you’ve downed three in a row without trouble. If I didn’t know better I’d think you were jealous,” his sister intoned.

Castiel scoffed, “I am not jealous,” he gritted through his teeth as he side eyed where Dean was sat, playing with Lisa’s hair while they talked with their faces unnecessarily close.

Jo rolled her eyes at him. “Whatever you say bro, but from where I’m standing it totally looks like you’re jealous.”

When Castiel glared at her, Jo raised her hands in surrender. “Fine, I’ll shut up but I’m not giving you more shots. You’re sticking to the beer.”

“Party pooper.” Castiel responded, the liquor in his system already starting to take effect. He knew it was only a matter of time until he would lose motor control and do something he would regret.

Before he could dwell further, a heavy hand landed on his shoulder. He followed the hand up the muscular arm only to find Dean’s best friend, Benny, grinning at him.

“Some speech, Cas.” he drawled his southern accent thicker than he remembered, “Think you might have finally got through to him too. He was spewing out all kinds of threats but I could tell that they were empty. His friend’s didn’t look too keen on the idea of coming after you again.”

“Good.” Castiel replied, nodding as he reached for his beer to take a healthy gulp. “I would rather not have to deal with them any longer.”

Benny grinned at him, his eyes sparkling as he did so. “Come on.” he said as he waved his hand, “Play some pool with us.”

Castiel side-eyed him wearily as he asked hesitantly, “Who’s us?”

“The old crew.” Benny said and he reached over Castiel and grabbed the beer the other bartender, Johnny, placed on the bar for him. “Ash, Victor, Pamela, Garth, and myself.”

Castiel internally cringed at the thought but instead of letting it show, he stood to his feet, glancing over at Dean, only to see him still completely engrossed in his conversation with his date. As much as he wanted to, Castiel could not shake the jealousy that was rushing through him every second he stared at Dean and his toothy grin he was giving the woman in front of him. He was sure it was the alcohol talking but all Castiel wanted in that moment was that smile directed at him just one more time.

Cursing himself internally, Castiel readied himself and turned back to Benny only to find him looking at Dean before he looked back to Castiel.

“It’s only new.” Benny tried to placate, “I’m sure nothing will happen between them, she has a kid so I don’t know how deep Dean really wants to get.”

Castiel held up his hand, stopping Benny in his tracks. “What Dean does is his business, I want nothing to do with him.” he replied, hoping Benny would believe him because right now he wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince, Benny or himself. “I just want a divorce so I can go home to my fiancé.”

His eyes didn’t leave Benny’s face as he revealed the news so he could gauge for a reaction but he didn’t get much of one. Benny had always been a closed off person in ways of emotion and Castiel wasn’t surprised to see that hadn’t changed.

“Good for you.” Benny replied, his tone trying to be congratulatory but Castiel knew better and could tell that Dean’s best friend was a little shocked and dismayed by the news.

“So...” Castiel clapped, breaking the slight tension, “Pool?”

Benny snapped out of his reverie at the sudden noise, nodding his head as he seemed to process what Castiel had revealed.

“Yeah, pool.” he breathed, “Over here.”

The larger man gripped his beer a little tighter and headed in the direction of the pool tables by the back of the bar. Castiel following in his wake, a beer of his own in his hand. As they got closer, Castiel could see his old group of friends, laughing and joking around just like they always used to. There was a lump in his throat that he had to swallow as he finally reached the group, not knowing what to say or do. Luckily for him, they did it for him.

“Cas!” Pamela greeted, “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. C’mere kid, I want a hug.”

Before Castiel could react, Pamela had him wrapped into a tight hug, her arms squeezing him tight as he struggled to return it.

As Castiel greeted the rest of the group, he was surprised to find that they weren’t pestering him with questions or giving him the cold shoulder after spending so long away, instead, they greeted him with open arms and continued the banter as if he had never left.

“What, they not have pool tables up where you been, Cas?” Ash joked from the other side of the table when Castiel, once again, missed the shot.

“I just haven’t played in a while.” he defended, sending Ash a glare.

“Clearly.” Ash snorted before he took his turn and sank three balls. Beside him, Victor grunted in frustration.

“Sorry.” Castiel apologised to his team mate, “I guess I’m a little rustier than I thought.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” Victor dismissed, “It’s just a game.”

Castiel knew that to Victor nothing was just a game, if he was doing something it was all or nothing. He was fiercely competitive in their youth, joining Dean on the football team, and apparently he hadn’t grown out of it.

“I’ll pick up the next round.” Castiel soothed as he took his leave to head to the bar while the others took their turns. He made his order to Johnny behind the bar while Jo, down the other end, was speaking with other patrons. As he waited for Johnny to pour the drinks he’d ordered, Castiel found his eyes wandering over to where Dean was, still sitting with his date clearly still completely wrapped up in Lisa. It made his gut burn with jealousy and he hated himself for it but he couldn’t turn his eyes away until he saw Dean’s head start to turn, clearly feeling someone’s eyes on him. Quickly, Castiel diverted his gaze back to the bar, pulling his credit card out from his wallet in his jeans and didn’t look back as tempting as it was.

Castiel carried the tray back to table, handing each person their drinks.

“Is it my turn?” Castiel asked after he had taken a long drag of his beer.

“Nah, Benny already finished that game.” Victor answered, his tone expressing his annoyance. “Garth and Pamela are playing them now.”

“Oh.” Castiel breathed a little relieved, “Okay.”

Castiel watched absentmindedly for a while, laughing at the back and forth banter but not overly participating in the conversation. He drank steadily, the others each heading up to buy round after round until they were all buzzed and Castiel was sufficiently drunk. His eyes would dart over to where Dean was sat with Lisa nearly every second, darting away whenever he noticed Dean move.

When he and Victor got up to play their next game, he wobbled slightly on his feet not realising how drunk he really was until he stood.

“Woah.” Benny drawled, his strong hold steadying Castiel, “You okay there?”

“M’fine.” Castiel replied, shoving out of Benny’s hold. When he went to take a step forward however, he tripped, only just catching himself before he went face first into the pool table. “Or not...” Castiel slurred as he righted himself. “I think I’ll sit this one out.”

“Good idea.” he heard Victor mutter beside him. If Castiel hadn’t have known about Victor being excessively competitive, he would have snarled back some remark but as it was, he knew Victor just wanted to win a game.

“I’ll take his spot,” a familiar voice startled Castiel, “Looks like lightweight over here has left you high and dry.”

“Oh come on!” Ash whined, “That’s not fair, you and Victor are the best there is at this game, no way am I letting you be on his team.”

Castiel watched Dean roll his eyes with a smirk, “Fine I’ll play left handed.”

Ash paused for a moment, before he looked at Benny to gauge his reaction. “Fine, but if I see you using you’re right you lose.”

“Yeah, yeah..” Dean waved off as he walked over to stand in front of Castiel.

Their eyes locked as Dean stared down at him and although Castiel tried to fight it, he couldn’t, his eyes darted down to Dean’s lips before the shifted back up again. It may have been the alcohol clouding his judgement but he was sure Dean’s pupils dilated.

Just as Castiel leant forward, the cue in his hand was pulled free and Dean had moved away from him. Confused, Castiel looked around, the rest of the group having not noticed or ignored what had just happened between the two men, carried on their conversations.

Swaying in his seat slightly, Castiel watched as the men played their game, ignorant to the conversations around him. He was too caught up in the way Dean’s face would light up when he or Victor did well. The smile was addictive, and Castiel soon found himself grinning at the fun Dean seemed to be having at the table. He was oblivious to the way his old friends around him had noticed his staring, or the way Lisa had backed off to talk with Pamela and Garth. His sole focus was on Dean.

It wasn’t until the game was over, and Castiel tried to get up once more that he realised he was well beyond drunk. He felt woozy causing him to reach his hand out and steady himself on the table while the other gripped his stomach.

“Alright, Cas. I think it’s time you went home.” Dean told him as he moved to stand in front of him, his hands hovering but not touching.

“M’fine,” he slurred his hand moving away from the table to show Dean but as soon as he did, he lost his footing and almost fell.

“Yeah, you’re totally fine.” Dean replied sarcastically, “Come on, I’ll drive you.” Dean grabbed his arm to guide him out but Castiel pulled away.

“No!” he shouted, a finger raised in Dean’s face, “You are not putting me in your truck and driving me home. I can look after myself.”

“I’m sure you can,” Dean agreed, “But you’ve had too much to drink and I’m not letting you drive home like that.”

Castiel crossed his arms over his chest with a huff, “Fine I’ll wait for Jo but there is no way I am getting in the truck with _you_.”

Just when Castiel was in the clear, Jo ruined it, “Ah, actually Cas, I’m heading home to Ash’s tonight so I can’t give you a ride.”

Castiel turned to look at his sister with a look that he hoped portrayed how betrayed he felt.

“Fine..” Castiel slurred, “You can drive me home but that’s it. Tomorrow you sign the papers and that’s that. We’re done.”

“Whatever you say, Cas.” Dean placated, “Let’s just get you home to bed so you can sober up a bit.”

Castiel followed Dean obediently, shaking off any help the other man tried to give him because even though earlier he had been all about Dean, he was still mad at him for ruining his life.

Once in the familiar pick-up, Castiel settled with his seatbelt on while he looked out the windshield at Dean, who was speaking with Lisa outside the front door of the bar. As Castiel waited, watching the scene, he grew even more annoyed at Dean. When Dean leant over and kissed Lisa on the cheek before he turned away and headed to the truck, Castiel was seething.

“Well don’t you two look cosy.” Castiel snipped when Dean climbed into the truck, starting it with a chuckle.

“I forgot how possessive you get when you’ve had a few drinks.” Dean commented with a grin.

“Possessive? I’m not being possessive,” Castiel protested.

“Cas, you’ve been watching us all night. You thought I hadn’t noticed but I had and I could see that look in your eyes. You were jealous.”

Castiel stared flabbergasted, “I am _not jealous_. I have a very handsome, intelligent fiancé back in New York.”

Dean’s grin faltered and he nodded with his eyes focussed on the road ahead, “Yeah you do..” he agreed.

They sat in silence, Dean driving the familiar road back to Castiel’s parents’ house. Castiel could feel himself sober up as they drove but by the time Dean pulled into the driveway, he still felt light headed.

Clumsily, he climbed out of the cab, stumbling a little bit but of course, Dean was there to steady him and help him down. This time he didn’t shake him off, instead he let Dean help him to the front door.

“Thank you for driving me.” Castiel whispered, a little reluctant but his mother had taught him to at least have some manners. He fumbled with his keys, Dean still behind him.

“You’re welcome Cas.” Dean replied softly, “You know I’d do anything for you...”

The admission made Castiel warm all over, his keys slipping in his hands as he tried to process what Dean just said.

“Then why did you let me go?” Castiel whispered into the quiet night unable to believe he had actually just said that out loud.

Dean looked at him with eyes that were unreadable to Castiel’s clouded mind. “You know why,” he replied. “Goodnight Cas.” he said leaning forward to kiss Castiel on the cheek. The kiss was so light that he could barely feel it but it lingered for longer than Castiel thought it would have. The light peck raised so many questions inside Castiel but he was in no position to ask or answer them. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Dean said as he pulled away and turned on his heel.

Castiel watched him go, still feeling Dean’s lips on his cheek.


	8. Chapter 8

When Castiel woke the next morning his head was pounding. He let out a loud groan as he rolled to his back, only to feel his stomach give an almighty lurch and he felt like he was about to hurl. Instantly, Castiel stopped moving, his hand swiftly moving to cover his mouth in case he did start to gag but as he settled a hand on his stomach, it calmed down and he was able to move just enough to get comfortable again.

“Fuck.” he groaned as he pulled the comforter over his head to shield from the light that was streaming in through the windows as he had failed to close them in his drunken stupor. “Fuck!” he grunted again as he stomach reeled once more. This time, he wasn’t so lucky. As fast as he could. Castiel jumped out of bed, ignoring how his legs shook as he ran to the bathroom where he promptly heaved into the toilet bowl.

When his stomach had finally settled, Castiel stood to his feet, groaning in protest as he moved towards the basin where he turned on the tap to cold. After placing his hands under the running tap, he cupped them to gather some water and splashed it over his face, feeling the sweat and grime on him from the night before wash off. When he opened his eyes and inspected himself in the mirror, he wasn’t surprised by what greeted him. His hair was in greater disarray than usual and his eyes bloodshot with heavy bags beneath them.

Looking down and himself, he realised that he hadn’t undressed before he climbed into bed and was still wearing the jeans and shirt he had worn at the bar the night before. As he wiggled his naked toes against the bathroom tiles, he was thankful that he had at least removed his shoes and socks before climbing into bed.

After he washed his face once more, brushed his teeth, and filled the glass he kept next to his bed with water, Castiel climbed back into bed with a groan.

“This is why I don’t drink...” Castiel berated himself. With a sigh, he rolled over to his side once more and grabbed his phone from the bedside table. There were a few texts from Balthazar, just ones saying goodnight and good morning but nothing of note. They did make him smile that Balthazar was still thinking of him but as he remembered the feelings he had felt the night before at the bar, he felt guilty. He knew it was the alcohol clouding his judgement but he also knew that the alcohol was no excuse. He just thanked his drunken self for not doing something that he would regret even more. It was bad enough that he had been jealous over Dean on his date but to have let Dean kiss him even if it was on the cheek was borderline cheating in Castiel’s eyes.

Throwing his phone to the other side of his bed, Castiel rolled to his side carefully and tried to settle in to sleep again. When he woke several hours later, he felt more refreshed but the guilt was still weighing him down. He just hoped at the fair that evening, he didn’t run into Dean at all but he knew that there was little chance of that happening.

When he finally emerged from his bedroom, looking a little worse for wear in faded jeans that fit snug in all the right places and a plain white button down, his family greeted him with knowing smirks.

“Rough night, huh son?” his father greeted with a chuckle as he read the paper. His mother busy at the stove cooking what looked to be a big breakfast.

“You could say that.” Castiel replied as he slumped into a seat at the kitchen table. His head was pounding and his stomach was still unsettled but he knew his mother’s greasy food would be a sure way of dealing with it, along with a strong cup of coffee.

“I hear Dean had to drive you home.” his father mentioned, looking over the top of the newspaper at Castiel.

Castiel groaned and let his head hang low until his forehead pressed against the table top.

“Can we please not talk about Dean?” He pleaded, “Yes he drove me home as I was in no state to drive and Jo was going to Ash’s house so I didn’t have a way of getting home. Nothing else happened and he said he would sign the papers today which will mean I can head home to my fiancé tomorrow.”

“But you only just arrived,” his mother protested, “Surely you can stay just a little longer?”

“Mom, I’ve been gone longer that I would have liked to start with. I want to go home.” he whined. He could tell from looking at his mother’s back that she wasn’t pleased and was probably frowning at the breakfast she was cooking up. “You know you could always just visit me in New York. You can take my apartment for the time you stay and I’ll just go to Balthazar’s.”

“Baby,” his mother said as she turned to look at him, “You know we would but it’s just so far to go and we can’t just leave the businesses to run.”

Castiel glared at them both in turn before he replied, “You can’t give up just a week to visit your son? To see all the work I’ve done? How successful I am?”

“Cas, baby,” his mother tried to sooth, “We know how successful you are. We always read your emails and we look at all the things you are creating. You know we are proud of you.”

“Just not proud enough to visit,” he mumbled under his breath.

“Castiel stop being a sour puss,” his father scolded his voice raising as he did so, “You know we can’t just up and leave here. We both run our own business which means if we shut up shop it means we don’t get paid. There ain’t nothing stopping you from coming down here every once in a while. It runs both ways, boy.”

It took him a moment to process that his father had somewhat yelled at him but once he had got passed the initial shock and realised what he had said, he realised that his father was right. He could have easily jumped on a plane and visited his family but he hadn’t. He was so focussed on leaving the hell hole of a town behind that he hadn’t thought of the effect it would have on his family.

“Sorry.” Castiel apologised, “I’m just a little grouchy from the hangover.”

“Get this into you and hopefully you’ll feel a lot better.” his mother said as she placed a large plate filled to the brim with egg, sausages, hash browns, bacon, mushrooms, and tomatoes. Castiel smiled up at his mother, thanking her for the meal before he dug in, instantly feeling better.

After he was done, he cleaned up for his mother as a thank you as well as an apology for doubting their love for him. Afterwards, he headed back to bed to sleep off the rest of his hangover, the last thing he wanted to do was turn up at the fair with a hangover. He wanted to try and enjoy the rest of his time in town and being hungover wasn’t one of his favourite past times.

When he awoke some time later, it was already late afternoon. His hangover had dissipated to just a dull headache which he knew could easily be dealt with by taking a couple of aspirin. By the time Jo came by to pick him up, he was feeling fresh and ready to go. Dressed in black jeans and a plain white tee shirt, Castiel headed outside with his sister, black leather jacket in hand for when it would get colder later.

The entire ride to the fair, Jo tried to get Castiel to tell her what had happened the night before. She was relentless in her questions, trying to gain any information as to what had happened with Dean, not taking the answer that nothing had happened as the truth. After five minutes of non-stop questioning, he finally broke.

“Look, Jo, I’m telling you nothing happened. He drove me home, walked me to the door and kissed me on the cheek goodnight!” he snapped.

His sister gasped, looking to him with wide eyes, “He kissed you!?”

“On the cheek!” he replied, “It was nothing but a light peck,” he reasoned not believing that it had meant nothing but he hoped his sister would believe him.

“Oh my god!” Jo flailed, “He actually kissed you! I can’t believe he finally made a move.”

Castiel rolled his eyes with a heavy sigh, “It was a kiss on the cheek, Jo. It was hardly a ‘move’.” he replied using quotation marks with his fingers before he thought about what Jo had said. “Wait, what do you mean ‘finally made a move’?” he questioned.

He eyed his sister with hard eyes whose cheeks began to blush red and she wouldn’t turn to look at him.

“Shit.” Jo mumbled under her breath, “I don’t know, I mean it’s just after so long you know?” she tried to appease but Castiel could see right through her lie.

“Jo,” he asked again his voice stern, “What did you mean?”

The pick-up came to a halt in the parking lot that was just a big paddock with people directing cars to the free spaces. Castiel’s eyes hadn’t left Jo’s as she squirmed in her seat, refusing to answer until the car was stopped. With the keys out of the ignition, Jo finally turned to look at Castiel.

“He went up there,” Jo breathed, pushing her hair back behind her ear, “After you left, maybe two months after I got back from seeing you, he went up to go find you and win you back.”

Castiel’s heart leapt into his throat as his chest started to contract, “What?” he said shocked, “He came up to New York? What-Why-I never saw him, he didn’t come to see me.” he stuttered.

“Because he knew that you wouldn’t want him,” Jo admitted her expression soft but sure, “He could see what you were making of yourself and he knew that he wasn’t good enough for you anymore.”

Castiel sat staring out the front window unable to process what Jo had just told him. He didn’t believe for a second that Dean had gone to New York. He was so adamantly against the big city life, the rush of people, the endless traffic jams, the expensive living. It was just so un-Dean like that Castiel had a hard time believing that Dean set foot outside of their hometown let alone getting all the way to New York.

“I don’t believe you...” Castiel whispered as he turned to look at his sister. Castiel had always been able to tell when his sister was lying to him but as he inspected her, he could tell that she was telling the truth. He buried his face in his hands, shaking his head as he muttered to himself.

“Why didn’t he come find me? He went all that way to what, turn around and head back home?” he asked his sister.

Jo shook her head, “I don’t know, Cas. All I know is that he went up there and when he got back he was a completely different person. He didn’t turn up at the Roadhouse and get blind drunk every night like he did, he worked hard at Dad’s shop, and he started to clean up his act.”

Castiel was still stuck in a bewildered state as his sister spoke. He felt so confused and it was starting to make him angry.

“I just---I need a minute,” he breathed as he fumbled for the door handle and slid out of the truck. He moved around to the front of the vehicle, taking in deep breaths of fresh air to try and calm himself down.

After a while, Jo appeared at his side and started to rub his back.

“It doesn’t matter.” Castiel said with determination, “I have Balthazar now. What Dean and I had in the past is over. I’ve moved on and so has he.”

“Have you though?” Jo asked him her eyes full of that stubborn, you know I’m right gleam.

Castiel squinted his eyes at her, “Yes.” he hissed, “I’m engaged to another man.”

“That you’ve been with for a mere few months,” Jo scoffed, “You were with Dean you’re entire childhood. He was your best friend, your first everything, that isn’t something you just move on from, Cas.”

“Well I have,” Castiel continued, blocking out the feelings that had started to rise inside of him. He would not waste any more time on Dean, Dean was no longer his concern. “I want him out of my life for good and when I see him later, I will give him the papers to sign, meaning I’ll be on the first plane back to New York on Monday.”

Jo shook her head as her jaw clenched in frustration. “Fine, whatever.” she sighed, “Let’s just have fun at the fair okay? No talk of Dean or Balthazar or divorce or anything. Got it?”

Castiel nodded, “Got it.”

By the time they’d made their way to the front entrance, Castiel had calmed down somewhat. His emotions were still tense and he still had questions assaulting his brain but instead of dwelling on them he focussed on the night ahead and the fun he would end up having with his sister and probably some of his old friends. Once they had purchased their tickets for the rides and stalls, Castiel had managed to push all thoughts of the current situation with Dean from his mind, leaving him completely carefree as he looped his arm with his sister’s.

“You’re winning me a giant Teddy.” Jo announced as she dragged Castiel through the stalls towards the game stands. Castiel rolled his eyes but let himself be lead to where a water pistol game was set up.

“Are you serious right now?” Castiel asked his sister, “What makes you think I’d be any good at this?”

“Oh come on, Cas! Don’t lie to me and tell me you and Dean never used to sneak off with Dad’s hunting rifle and shoot beer cans out in the woods.”

Castiel shook his head with a smile, “We didn’t always shoot the cans out there,” he insinuated.

His sister’s face contorted into a disgusted frown, “Gross Cas.” she scolded as she slapped him on the shoulder, “You’re definitely winning me a giant teddy now. That was an image I did not need.”

“It’s not like you hadn’t walked in on us in a compromising position before or anything,” he chuckled, “I’m not sure who had it worse, you or Sam.”

Jo started to repeatedly slap him on the shoulder as he brought back supressed memories, “Shut up, Cas! Do you know how long I had to suffer with the image of Dean’s bare ass seared into my brain or that one time I walked in on you on your knees. Seriously, I love you but there are some things a sister just doesn’t need to see. No wonder Rufus fucking hates you two.”

Castiel couldn’t help but laugh, his cheeks flushing with a little embarrassment but he had always been comfortable sharing intimate details with his sister. She was easy to talk to and he hoped that she felt just as comfortable talking with him.

“It’s not like I didn’t have my fair share of memories of you, Jo. There was that time at your eighteenth birthday when I walked in on you topless with Ash under the covers while your friends were all wondering where you’d gone off too,” Castiel teased, revelling in the fact Jo seemed to be more embarrassed than he was.

“Whatever,” she growled, “Let’s just do this. Win me my fucking teddy.”

With a shake of his head, Castiel pulled the required amount of tickets from his pocket and handed them over to the booth holder. He had thirty seconds to shoot down as many targets as he could. To win the teddy he basically had to shoot down all of them in the allotted time. He side-eyed Jo with a glare as he was told what was required who just smirked and nodded her head towards the targets telling him to concentrate.

A minute later, a giant teddy was wrapped in Jo’s arms as they made their way around the rest of the booths.

“Seriously, I didn’t think you’d actually win it.” Jo commented, “I just wanted to see you try and get all mad at yourself when you couldn’t do it.” she laughed.

“Jeez Jo, thanks for the support.” Castiel said facetiously.

“You know what I mean.” Jo replied before she dragged him to inspect the other booths that were selling various items. By the time they made it to the rides, Castiel was carrying three bags full of stuff. He had grumbled about how much Jo was buying but he had a huge smile on his face as he spent time with his sister.

They put all their things to the side as they climbed onto the bumper cars, the giant teddy joining Jo on the ride making Castiel snort with how ridiculous it looked buckled into the small car. They drove around like they were kids once more, bumping into each other before they decided to team up and target the younger kids. He could see some of the parents off to the side giving them disapproving glares but he didn’t care. It was all a bit of fun and the kids were laughing their heads off just as hard as Castiel and Jo were.

“That was the most fun I’ve had in a while,” Castiel laughed as they got out of their cars, “Seriously, Jo, thanks.” he said sincerely.

“Don’t mention it bro, glad I could give you a break from everything.” Jo replied before she threw her arm over his shoulders and walked along with him, the giant teddy tucked under free arm.

“Food?” he asked as his stomach rumbled, “I’m starving.”

They made their way to the food area, the aroma of the different booths making Castiel’s stomach growl even louder. He wanted everything, funnel cake, fries, a greasy burger, cotton candy, as much as he could eat before he felt sick. It’s what he always did when he went to the fair and this time would be no different even if he didn’t have his usual partner in crime by his side.

With two plates full of food, Castiel made his way towards the tables only to find that all of them were full except for one near the far end. When he realised who was sat at the table, he almost high-tailed it to the kids area to sit on the hay bales so he didn’t have to sit with them but his sister flew past him and head directly towards the table with a glance over her shoulder that left no room for argument.

Castiel sighed before he took a deep breath and followed his sister towards the group of people.

“Hey Cas.” Benny greeted him as he took a seat next to the sheriff, Ash sat opposite Benny with Jo pressed close against his side. It was Dean with Lisa sitting next to Ash that made him lose his appetite.

“Hello Benny.” Castiel greeted with a nod, “Ash, Lisa,” he said greeting them both with a smile before he looked down to his food pointedly ignoring Dean. He didn’t have to see it for him to know Dean had rolled his eyes.

“How was your hangover this morning?” Benny asked him with a smirk, “That’s probably the drunkest I’d ever seen you.”

Castiel shrugged his shoulders, “Fine, nothing I couldn’t handle. Dealt with Dean’s enough that I knew how to get rid of my own,” he said with a knowing glance at Dean who shook his head and looked down at his plate which by no surprise had three pieces of pie on it.

No one continued the conversation about the night before which Castiel was thankful for instead, the group talked about the fair and everything they had bought and looked at. It was as they talked, Dean noticeably quiet, that Castiel’s appetite returned and he managed to actually enjoy the plates full of food he had in front of him.

“You going to get some pie?” his sister asked when he had finished his plates, “Apparently it’s awesome.”

Castiel shook his head, “No, I don’t eat pie anymore.”

When he was greeted with silence, he knew the reason was obvious. Pie was Dean’s favourite food and when he had left Dean behind, he couldn’t bring himself to eat a piece because each time he had pie he thought about Dean and how he would have commented on every aspect of the pie from the texture of the crust to the balance of the mixture for the filling. It was stupid how something so insignificant could make him ache so bad. Instead of putting himself through the pain any longer, he chose to not eat pie, in fact, he never went near a bakery anymore.

“Your loss,” Jo dismissed as she stood to her feet and walked off to get some pie.

When Castiel finally got the guts to look up at Dean, Dean was looking at him with a painful look. Dean graced him with a sad smile before he looked away towards where the live band was playing.

When Jo returned, she was extremely excited about the song that was playing.

“Babe, come dance!” she pleaded as she pulled on Ash’s shoulder, placing the plate with pie on it onto the table. With a sigh, Ash stood to his feet. “Don’t look too enthusiastic about it.” Jo said with a roll of her eyes. Ash went dutifully behind her before he swooped her around the dance floor, making her giggle and laugh for joy.

When Lisa got up and seemed to move towards Dean, Castiel pointedly looked away. He did not want those jealous feelings to return. He was surprised when he saw Benny move past him, Lisa in tow. He watched them for a moment before he realised that it left him alone with Dean. Castiel gulped as he turned to look discretely over his shoulder to see if Dean was still there, unsurprisingly he was.

The two of them watched their friends dance around the make-shift dance floor for a couple of songs before Castiel saw Dean slide along the bench seat so he sat directly opposite Cas.

“Just give me the papers and I’ll sign them, Cas.” Dean said, startling Castiel a little.

“I don’t have them on me.” Castiel replied, “They’re in Jo’s truck.”

“Do you want to go get them?” Dean asked but Castiel shook his head.

“No I want to just sit here for a little longer.”

The pair sat in silence watching their friends some more before, once more, Dean broke the silence.

“Can I show you something?” Dean asked, his cheeks a little red with embarrassment as his hand rubbed the back of his neck.

Castiel’s brow furrowed in confusion as to why Dean was acting so bashful, a little concerned at the same time.

“Show me what exactly?” Castiel questioned.

Dean looked him in the eyes as he replied, “What happened to the spontaneous Cas that just went with the flow?”

“He grew up.” Castiel replied his lips pressed into a tight line when he finished.

Dean shook his head with a slight chuckle, “Does that mean you won’t let me show you the thing?”

“Well you’re being very vague Dean.”

“That’s because it’s supposed to be a surprise. Please Cas, I just want to show you this one thing then I’ll sign the papers and be out of your life forever,” Dean replied and by his expression, Castiel could tell he was being completely serious.

Castiel looked towards his sister who had apparently been watching the interaction while she danced and as if she knew what was happening, she mouthed ‘go’, towards him.

Against Castiel’s better judgement, he did.


	9. Chapter 9

They walked in silence to the parking lot. It was awkward and the tension between them was thick. It had Castiel on edge, already regretting his decision to go with Dean but he was curious as to what Dean wanted to show him. He hoped it had something to do with what he did on the days he wasn’t at the shop because even though he told everyone, and himself, that he didn’t care about Dean, he did. If Dean couldn’t keep himself afloat and lost the house, he would be distraught. Just because he left, it didn’t mean he stopped caring, he just got better at hiding it.

“I’m just going to get my stuff from Jo’s truck.” Castiel told Dean as he slipped through between two parked cars. Dean nodded and pointed out where his truck was parked. He didn’t need to, Castiel had already seen it. He would be able to pick out Dean’s truck in a busy New York street as he knew the truck so well.

After some calming breaths, Castiel collected his things – mainly the divorce papers – from Jo’s truck and headed in the direction of Dean. He could see as he approached that Dean was nervous. The classic rock music that Castiel had learnt to love was blasting out the windows, Dean drumming his fingers against the steering wheel in a nervous gesture. It was strange to see him so anxious as in all their time together, Dean was the one that had been the most confident. Castiel put it down to all the football he played and how he had learnt to deal with his anxiety through constant exposure. The only time Castiel had really seen Dean nervous was when they had gone to the doctor after his injury to get the results of the scan.

Castiel had sat with Dean the entire time, reassuring him and telling him everything would be okay no matter what the results said. Dean had barely been able to keep still, his free hand gripping Castiel’s so tight hel lost all feeling in it but he hadn’t tried to pull away as he knew that the touch was calming him somewhat. When the results came back and Dean learnt that he would never play again, Castiel had stayed by his side, consoled him through it. It was then that Dean had started to push Castiel away. It had been the beginning of the end.

When the song ended, Dean looked around for Castiel. When his eyes landed on him, a grin lit up his face and Castiel found his legs turned to jelly. It was the smile that lit up his dreams and made him feel guilty that he was still thinking about his ex while he was sleeping next to his current boyfriend but it was so unbelievably bright and contagious that Castiel found himself smiling back with a small smile. Castiel ducked his head and ordered his legs to work so he could climb into Dean’s truck.

Once settled inside, the papers on the seat between them, Dean turned the music down and pulled out of the parking lot towards the main road.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” Castiel asked when it became obvious the silence wasn’t going to be broken any time soon.

Dean just turned towards him, a cheeky smirk on his face. “Nope,” he replied popping the ‘p’.

Castiel crossed his arms over his chest and looked out the window with a huff.

“Loosen up, Cas, I promise it will be worth your while.”

As Castiel struggled to believe that Dean was telling the truth, he tried to figure out where Dean was taking him. He knew they weren’t heading towards town instead they were going towards the industrial area where the factories were located. Confused, he looked towards Dean who only snapped his mouth closed and pretended to zip it shut.

“You’re such a child.” Castiel bantered as he shook his head but he dutifully stayed quiet, not asking any more questions as to their destination.

After what felt like thirty minutes after they’d left the fair, Dean pulled up outside what appeared to be a garage. Still confused, he looked towards the other man who simply didn’t look at him, instead he turned off the truck and slipped out, closing the door behind him.

“What is this place?” Castiel asked as he looked around. It was similar to his dad’s shop except larger and newer. The exterior was shiny even in the low light, with new roller doors for the five separate bays a bright red that stood out against the black of the main cladding.

Once more, Dean didn’t answer him. Castiel followed behind Dean as he walked towards the side door that Castiel hadn’t seen earlier. Dean unlocked the door and went inside, Castiel following behind, his eyes immediately squinting as he tried to see in the darkness.

“Dean?” Castiel asked as he couldn’t actually see the other man in the darkness, when he got no answer, he started to worry a little. “You’re not going to kill me are you?” he joked nervously.

“No,” Dean answered, “Just wait a second.”

Castiel did as he was told, not moving in fear that he would fall and trip on something he couldn’t see. He could hear Dean moving around at a fair distance away but he was none the wiser as to where they were. He could smell paint and oil which lead him to believe that they were in a garage but it left Castiel a little confused as to why Dean would bring him to a mechanics. Had Dean opened his own mechanic shop?

“Okay I’m ready, are you?” Dean called out to him from what appeared to be some distance.

“Yes Dean.” Castiel answered, “I would rather not stand in the dark for much longer.”

The next thing Castiel knew, the place was lit up with florescent lights making him shield his eyes with the sudden change. When his eyes finally adjusted, his mouth opened in shock.

“I-is that?” he stuttered, his feet unable to move as he looked at what Dean was stood in front of.

It was a ’67 Chevy Impala exactly like the one they had played in as kids only it was completely new. The paint was black, reflecting the white light in the room, the chrome trim of the doors had been recently polished and the windows were all fitted and unbroken. Castiel couldn’t believe his eyes, his hand coming up to cover his mouth as he took timid steps forward to inspect further.

When he rounded to the front, the lights were all fitted, the chrome fender shining just like the rest of it. Even the number plate was the same as the one that had been in the junk yard except it was fully restored. The car was everything Castiel had dreamed of it being and more.

Carefully, Castiel approached the car, a tentative hand held out so he could trace over the chrome fender, he reached the Chevrolet wording on the grill and ran his fingers over it.

“The inside is fitted out too.” Dean spoke beside him, causing Castiel to break out of the trance he had entered.

“You did all this?” Castiel asked disbelieving as he looked up to Dean who was hovering beside where Castiel was crouched. Dean nodded. “How did you afford to buy this?” he asked bewildered as he stood to his feet and inspected the vehicle further.

“I didn’t buy it, Cas,” Dean chuckled, “I rebuilt it.”

That made Castiel stop, turn on his heel and look at Dean once more. “Wait, is this the same car as the one we used to play in?” he whispered before he gasped when Dean started grinning, “Holy shit, Dean! You _built_ this?”

“Yeah.” Dean grinned, “I saved up working at your Dad’s shop until I had enough to buy this place. Then I worked two days a week at your Dad’s then the rest of the time I was here working on her, and the other’s that your Dad referred my way.”

“Others?” Castiel asked before he looked around the shop to see three other cars that were in desperate need of restoration with one more in the final bay that appeared to be almost complete. “H-how-When-What?” Castiel stuttered unable to formulate and actual sentence which earned another laugh from Dean.

“I do have one more thing to do on her though,” Dean said as he gestured to the car, “But I thought maybe you’d like to put on the finishing touch.”

“What is it?” Castiel asked as he looked the car over, it seemed to be in perfect condition leaving Castiel confused as to what needed to be done. It wasn’t until he slid into the passenger seat that he realised there was a crucial piece of equipment missing – the steering wheel. Castiel looked towards Dean who was peering in the door, his arms braced against the roof.

“I don’t know how...” Castiel admitted.

“It’s easy.” Dean told him, “I’ll talk you through it.”

Step-by-step Dean helped Castiel to fit the steering wheel in place. At one point, Castiel got so frustrated he almost gave up and stormed off but Dean calmed him down, told him he was doing a good job and helped him with the fidgety part. When it was finally in place, Castiel couldn’t help but grin.

“It’s perfect.” Castiel breathed, dumbfounded as to how Dean had actually transformed something so broken and run-down into something so beautifully stunning.

“Well, let’s take her for a spin then.” Dean announced as he packed away the tools Castiel had been using. Castiel watched as Dean placed the tool box back on the workbench before he moved to the garage door and pulled it up so that they could exit the shop. He then rounded the car and slid into the passenger seat.

“You mean….I can drive her?” Castiel asked Dean as he was handed the keys.

“Well duh!” Dean said as he buckled his seat belt, “Just don’t crash her.” he teased.

With shaking hands, Castiel placed the keys in the ignition and started her up. The engine roared to life, louder than Castiel had ever imagined when they were younger but it was so satisfying to feel the car vibrate beneath him. After one last glance at Dean for reassurance that he was able to actually drive her, Castiel put the car in gear and drove it out of the shop. His hands were shaking with nerves and he was ridiculously slow but he was just so scared of crashing or something going wrong because he went too fast that he barely had his foot on the gas.

“Cas.” Dean groaned, “I didn’t rebuild her so you could drive like a nana on a Sunday drive. If you’re not going to treat her right then pull over so I can drive.”

Castiel glanced nervously towards Dean, “Are you sure?” he asked.

Dean glared at him, “Floor it,” he said emphatically.

“If you’re sure?” Castiel asked just to be certain, when Dean groaned even louder, Castiel planted his foot to the floor, the car taking off with immense speed and power down the main road.

“Holy shit!” Dean laughed, “Didn’t think you had it in you.”

Castiel looked to Dean to glare for a mere moment before he turned his attention to the road ahead, speeding down the straight at what felt like a million miles an hour. A huge grin spread across his face as the engine roared and they soared down the road going as fast as he dared. He kept his eyes straight ahead, concerned that if he made one little movement that he’d flip off the road.

A breeze hit his face and he looked to the passenger seat only to find Dean with the window down, head out the window. When he ducked his head back in, his hair was at all angles and he had a huge grin on his face.

“You’re such an idiot.” Castiel snorted as he turned back to look at the road.

He drove on for another ten minutes, no real destination in mind but when he realised where they were, he head down the familiar roads towards the familiar road stop. Another five minutes down the road and Castiel pulled off onto the dirt track. He took his time knowing that Dean would not appreciate too much dust on his freshly waxed car but he didn’t say a word as Castiel drove on until they came to a stop.

“Why did you bring us here?” Dean asked as he looked out the windscreen, “I haven’t been here in years.”

Castiel shrugged, “Neither have I. Just wanted to see it again I guess.”

Dean didn’t reply. Castiel watched as Dean climbed out of the car and closed the door behind him before he walked around to the front of the Impala and slid onto the hood. A heartbeat later, Castiel followed him, sliding onto the hood next to Dean but leaving ample space between them.

“I always loved it out here.” Castiel whispered as he looked to the sky, took in a deep breath of the fresh air letting the smell of the pine trees and the forest fill his senses and make him smile. As he gazed up at the heavens, he stared at the stars, and realised how much he had missed being able to look up at them.

“I guess you never really realise how much you need something until you get it back again.” Castiel admitted still looking up to the sky.

“Yeah I know what you mean,” he heard Dean murmur beside him. It wasn’t until Dean spoke that he realised the double meaning behind the words and how Dean could have interpreted them.

“Dean...” Castiel spoke softly turning to look at the other man only to find him closer than when they had first sat down causing him to gasp. He was helpless as Dean moved even closer, leaning in towards him slow enough to let Castiel get away if he wanted to. Just as their noses were about to touch, Dean stopped moving, his lips hovering just inches away from his own.

“If you want this,” Dean uttered, “close the gap.”

Castiel was temporarily paralyzed as he looked deep into Dean’s eyes, seeing the longing and the desperation along with the fear of rejection. He could see the exact moment when Dean’s confidence faltered and the doubt that Castiel wasn’t going to close the space between them started to creep in. Castiel hated to see that look in Dean’s eyes and his heart ached, a low whine escaping his throat before he surged forwards, his hands cupping Dean’s cheeks as he pulled him closer to press their lips together.

“Wait!” Castiel panted as he pushed Dean away, “I can’t, I can’t do this...” he repeated as he shook his head, his hands held out in front of him as he looked Dean straight in the eyes. As soon as he said it, he saw how Dean’s anger grew.

“Can’t or won’t?” Dean growled out leaving Castiel with a heavy heart and a very confused head.

Unable to look Dean in the eye any longer, Castiel turned his head away from Dean and out towards the empty paddock with his hands rested on the cooling hood. He chewed on his lower lip, still tasting the traces of Dean on his skin as he did so, while he deliberated the question. He knew that he still cared, he would always care about Dean, what he didn’t know is whether he could do that to Balthazar.

“I’m engaged, Dean...” he reasoned, “To a man who loves me and makes me feel special.”

Dean scoffed causing Castiel to turn to him and squint his eyes at him, “What? Is it so hard to believe that someone else could love me?” he gritted out.

He watched as Dean shook his head with a wry smile, “Of course not.” Dean whispered sincerely, “But you say that you’re engaged when you’re actually _still_ _married_ to me.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, “We’ve been separated for seven years Dean, it’s not as though we’ve been in a relationship for that entire time.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Dean slip off the hood and move so he was stood in front of Castiel, making him look at Dean again.

“We may not have been together for the last few years but we sure as hell were for the years before,” Dean replied, his hands hesitantly moving forward to cup Castiel’s cheeks. He couldn’t have stopped himself from leaning into the touch even if he tried. It was an automatic reaction for his body to gravitate towards Dean.

Castiel closed his eyes unable to look at Dean for a moment longer. He could already feel his resolve breaking and he knew it was wrong what he was doing to Balthazar but after so long, Dean was in front of him, a changed man.

“I’m not the same kid I was when I left Dean,” Castiel whispered.

“Neither am I, Cas.” Dean replied, his thumb stroking ever so slowly against Castiel’s cheek. “I was a mess when you left. I hated myself for driving you away, for not going with you but I just knew I wasn’t enough for you anymore. I drank until I didn’t feel anything anymore, I pushed everyone away. Hell even Sammy was sick of my shit and stopped coming over to make sure I actually showered and got to work. It wasn’t until Jo went up to see you that I realised I wasn’t going to win you back, not with the way I was living.”

Castiel squirmed where he sat, his eyes still closed as he listened to Dean speak. Dean’s thumb constantly stroking over his cheek soothing him.

“Jo told me you came to New York.” Castiel blurted out, his eyes snapping open in surprise of what he had said. Dean’s thumb stopped stroking his face and Castiel took that as a sign to pull away, however, when he did, Dean only gripped his face harder to hold him in place.

“I did.” Dean replied his eyes firm as he looked Castiel in the eye, “And I saw how that was your life now. That world didn’t need me in it. You had your own life, things were looking up for you, you didn’t need me dragging you down. I made the decision to let you go and...it hurt like hell. Hurt like fucking hell...” Dean choked as his eyes welled up with tears. Castiel’s already dropping down his cheek, “But I knew if I put my head down I could win you back – that you would come back to me. One day..just one day.”

Castiel shook his head unbelieving of what Dean was telling him, “Dean---” he choked, “I can’t.”

Before Castiel could pull away this time, Dean surged forward once more, his lips pressing insistently against Castiel’s. For a moment, Castiel was stock still, not letting himself give in but as Dean’s persistence continued, Castiel’s will power crashed and he was lifting his hands to grip at Dean’s shirt and pulling him closer. He returned the kiss with fervour, his mouth opening to let Dean’s tongue inside without a second thought. The taste of Dean was so familiar yet something completely new at the same time. It was something he never thought he’d be able to have again and now that he had it, he didn’t want to let it go.

Each time Dean tried to pull away for air, Castiel would growl against his lips, forcing him to stay where he was and kiss like their lives depended on it.

Castiel’s legs wrapped around Dean’s hips to close the small gap between them while Dean’s hands had wrapped around Castiel’s shoulders and held him close. It was long before things escalated with Dean pushing Castiel backwards so his back was pressed against the cool metal. Their lips didn’t part as their hands began to roam over one another’s body. Castiel’s hands slipped down to the waistband of Dean’s jeans and slid up Dean’s shirt to press against the other man’s body. It was different to what he remembered, a little bit softer in places that used to be toned from the rigorous training routine that he used to be under but Castiel didn’t mind one as he moved one of his hands up to tweak one of Dean’s nipples.

“Fuck.” Dean pulled away with a groan as his hips bucked forward, telling Castiel just how interested Dean was. In reply, Castiel shoved his hips up towards Dean’s, grinding their rapidly growing erections together. It earned him another hearty groan and Dean’s lips once again found his own in yet another bruising kiss.

When Dean’s pulled away again, Castiel whined at the loss but the smirk on Dean’s face told him that he wasn’t going to be hungry for long. Calloused hands slipped underneath his shirt, causing a shiver down Castiel’s spine. The touch was so gentle and teasing, yet confident and meaningful. It had Castiel whining for Dean to come closer, to kiss him once more, but Dean only continued to let his hands roam over Castiel’s body as if he was learning his body once more.

Castiel’s hands slipped free of Dean’s shirt instead, he gripped the hem of his own and yanked it over his head in frustration.

“Touch me, dammit!” he growled which earned a chuckle from the other man.

“I am touching you.” he defended with yet another cheeky smirk.

“You know what I mean asshole.” Castiel retorted only to lose his breath as Dean ducked his and wrapped his lips around Castiel’s nipple. His teeth bit down hard, making Castiel hiss slightly in pain but as Dean’s tongue roamed to soothe the bite. “Dean--!” Castiel moaned loud and long as he hands moved to grip at Dean’s shoulders.

Dean didn’t answer him, instead he continued to lave Castiel’s nipple until it was over sensitive and too much for Castiel to handle. He switched to the other nipple dealing out the same treatment while Castiel writhed beneath him, whining out his name like a mantra.

“Dean, please.” he begged, “I-I...” he stuttered before Dean stopped him with a kiss to his lips.

“I’ll take care of you.” Dean promised and Castiel had no doubt Dean would.

Once Castiel had nodded, Dean moved to kiss at his neck, his kisses softer in the places that he was particularly sensitive in. He gasped in surprised, marvelled at the fact that after all their time apart, Dean still knew them all.

It was torture to have Dean exploring his body with such a leisurely pace but Castiel couldn’t deny that he was enjoying every second of it. His erection was straining painfully against his jeans as he ground his hips against Dean’s solid chest.

By the time Dean finally reached the waistband of his jeans, Castiel was on the border of coming in his jeans.

“Fuck, babe...” Dean breathed as he leant back slightly taking in Castiel with lust blown eyes and kiss swollen lips, “You’re so gorgeous.”

Castiel whimpered slightly at the pet name, his hips bucking up to try and get some sort of friction but all he could do was hump the air.

Confident and sure hands reached out to unzip his jeans, much to Castiel’s relief, and wrenched them down, his boxers going with. A hiss left his throat as the cool air touched his heated skin but he didn’t have long to dwell on it as moments later, Dean’s mouth was wrapped around his cock, swallowing him down while his hands worked to get the garments off his legs.

“Fuck, Dean!” Castiel yelled out, his hips bucking up into the wet heat of Dean’s mouth only to be quickly held down by Dean’s hand. He only had one leg free from his jeans but he didn’t care, all his mind could focus on was the pleasure of Dean’s mouth.

Castiel wound his hand in Dean’s hair, gripping tight to the short strands while his mouth and tongue worked magic on his cock. When Dean’s tongue fucked into the slit of his cock, Castiel cried out, his hand gripping harder on Dean’s hair and caused Dean to lift of with an obscenely wet slurp.

“Jesus, Cas, watch the hair.” Dean complained as his hand continued to stroke Castiel in slow strokes.

“Sorry, sorry,” Castiel repeated breathlessly before he moved his hands to sit on the bonnet. His hips followed Dean’s hands, following it and fucking up into the loose fist that Dean had formed. It wasn’t enough for him and he whined in frustration, his eyes opening to look up at Dean who had a look of utter desire on his face as he watched Castiel.

“Dean please...” Castiel begged which much to his relief got a nod from Dean.

When Dean didn’t lean down over him again, Castiel was confused for a moment but that fell away when he felt Dean’s hands on his leg, pulling the last of his clothing off of him.

“Let’s go in the car,” Dean suggested to which Castiel only nodded. He shivered as he stood, the cool air brushing over his heated skin but he could feel the warmth of Dean behind him as he quickly moved towards the rear passenger door and lay himself down on the bench seat. Once he was settled, he looked to the door only to find Dean stood there, his eyes wide, watching Castiel before he licked his lips.

“Do you know how many times I’ve thought about this exact fantasy? You look fucking perfect, Cas.” Dean praised.

“Dean,” Castiel whined in frustration as he reached out for him, “I need you.”

The words seemed to snap Dean out of his stupor because the next minute, Dean had stripped off his shirt and was working on his pants while Castiel leant over the front seat to find his leather jacket he had left there earlier. He found his wallet that was nestled under it and pulled out the packet of lube that he always had inside. When he was back to lying down, he put the packet on his torso and waited impatiently for Dean.

“I don’t have a condom,” Castiel commented feeling guilty as he said it because the only reason he didn’t have one was because he was in a committed relationship and they both had regular checks to ensure they were both clean.

“Shit.” Dean cursed as he ran his hands through his hair before he picked up his discarded jeans, “I don’t think I have one either.”

Castiel scoffed finding it difficult to believe that Dean didn’t have a condom in his wallet, “Really? Sure you didn’t have one on hand in case your date went well with Lisa?”

Dean looked up from his search only to glare at Castiel, “That’s not what that was.” he protested.

Castiel huffed, “Sure whatever.”

When he looked up again, it was to find Dean finally naked and climbing onto the seat on top of him. He had a smirk on his face as he hovered over Castiel before he dipped lower to kiss butterfly kisses to his skin as he crawled upwards.

“You’re adorable when you’re jealous...” Dean taunted once they were eye level with one another.

“I’m not jealous!” Castiel defended but even he didn’t believe the words anymore.

“Sure you’re not.” Dean sarcastically intoned.

Before Castiel could protest further, Dean’s lips were on his own slow and passionate. The heat and urgency was gone but it was full of passion and greed. When Dean pulled away, Castiel was completely breathless, unable to conjure a single thought as he stared at Dean who was grinning ear to ear.

A second later, Dean had grabbed the lube packet that was on Castiel’s chest and sat back on his heels to open it. Castiel took the opportunity to roam his eyes over Dean’s body. It was definitely different than he had remembered. He had filled out more with broader shoulders and larger biceps. His torso was still somewhat defined but he had definitely acquired a bit more pudge than he used to have. Castiel couldn’t resist himself from reaching out and touching his fingers over it. Dean looked at him with squinted eyes and a pout.

“I know I’m not in the same shape I used to be in,” Dean muttered, “I’m trying okay?”

“I like it,” Castiel replied honestly as his fingers continued to explore, “You’re perfect, Dean.”

Dean’s cheeks flushed red at Castiel’s compliment causing Castiel to smile at him. Dean ignored him instead he coated his fingers with the recently opened lube and positioned himself between Castiel’s legs. The anticipation had Castiel squirming. Dean sensed it and leant down to kiss him once more, bracing himself on one arm while the other moved between Castiel’s legs and dipped between his cheeks. Castiel gasped as the cool digits touched his heated skin. When the first of Dean’s fingers breached his hole, Castiel broke away from the kiss with a moan.

“Fuck Dean!” Castiel moaned as Dean’s thick finger wriggle inside of him before slowly fucking in and out of him. Castiel quickly moved his head to capture Dean’s lips once more, their tongues instantly massaging one another’s. It was wet and messy but Castiel absolutely loved it as he gripped Dean’s shoulders, moaning into the kiss louder and louder as Dean fucked him harder with his finger.

“You want another?” Dean asked pulling away from Castiel just enough so he could look down at him. Castiel quickly nodded, “Eager for it aren’t you?” Dean chuckled, making Castiel scowl. Dean kissed it away a moment later while another finger slipped inside, taking Castiel by surprise. “Taking my fingers so good, Cas...” Dean murmured against Castiel’s neck kissing at his jugular.

It took Dean a couple of tries but when he finally found Castiel’s prostate, it had him arching his back moving his hips down onto Dean’s fingers with a long moan of Dean’s name. The leather under his back was starting to stick to his sweaty skin but he failed to care as he fucked himself down as best he could onto Dean’s fingers, his legs spread as wide as he could get them in the cramped space.

He could hear Dean whispering words of praise into his skin as he moved his fingers inside him and it had Castiel gasping for air, unable to cope with Dean being so close to him once again. The pace slowed, and Castiel tried in frustration to get Dean to move faster but Dean only shushed him, telling him he didn’t want it to be over too soon. It was nice to take it slow but for Castiel all he wanted was Dean inside him.

When a third finger finally slipped in, it was a welcome relief. The burn was familiar, his erection weltering slightly at the stretch and taking him off the edge but as Dean kissed him through it, pressing relentlessly against his prostate at the same time, he was quickly back up to speed right there on the edge of orgasm.

“Dean, please.” Castiel begged again as if they were the only two words he knew anymore.

“Mmm yeah.” Dean hummed, “Promise soon, baby,” he whispered against his skin before he sucked hard on Castiel’s collarbone, “Just want to fuck you with my fingers a little longer, make you fall apart completely.”

Castiel groaned in frustration, he was on the brink of flipping them over and taking what he wanted but in the cramped space he knew it would only kill the mood and maybe even make him realise what he was actually doing. Instead, he fucked his hips down more insistently, his hands roaming down to grip Dean’s ass and rock their hips together. It had Dean groaning into his skin, his hand moving faster inside of Castiel until the point that Dean had to pull away.

When Dean sat up, his hand slipping free, Castiel knew he had won. Dean was wrecked, his erection leaking and an angry red at the head, same as Castiel’s. Castiel watched as Dean took his erection in hand, spreading the leftover lube onto his cock. Wordlessly, Castiel spread his legs wider, giving Dean more than enough room to position himself at Castiel’s entrance.

At the first push, Castiel held his breath, his hands scrambling for purchase on Dean’s shoulders as Dean started his slow slide inside.

“ _Fuck.._.” Castiel dragged out with his exhale.

“Jesus.” Dean panted, “Never thought I’d have this again.” he admitted not letting Castiel reply before he bent down and kissed Castiel. It slow and sensual, overwhelming Castiel with emotion he wasn’t sure if he could face. Luckily, Dean pulled out of him and started to thrust.

It started slow, too slow for Castiel’s liking causing Castiel to press back against Dean as best he could. He wrapped his legs around Dean’s hips with difficulty but once settled, he pressed his heels into Dean’s lower back pulling him into the thrusts and trying to speed him up.

“Still a pushy little shit.” Dean chuckled as he started to thrust a little harder. He was hovering over Castiel, looking down at him with a smile that conveyed just how amused he was at the situation.

“Well if you would fuck me properly I wouldn’t have to be pushy.” Castiel requited with a smirk, pressing his heels in a little harder making Dean wince.

It earned him a growl and a punishing thrust that punched the air out his lungs. Gasping for air, Castiel gripped tighter onto Dean’s shoulders, riding the thrusts that Dean dealt out as they got harder and harder.

Castiel was dimly aware of the car squeaking on its suspension, the leather squelching against his sweat soaked back as Dean moved faster. Dean’s whole body covered Castiel’s own as he picked up the pace, grunting into Castiel’s neck as his arms curled under Castiel’s body and held him close. The pace had Castiel gasping for air on every thrust, Dean’s cock moving deep inside him, stretching him out like he hadn’t felt in years.

When Dean swivelled his hips and got the angle just right, Castiel cried out.

“Oh Jesus, right there!” he gasped, “Fuck, Dean!”

“Mmm still know exactly where to thrust..” Dean murmured as he thrust his hips at the same angle over and over.

Just as Castiel felt himself getting oh so close, Dean just stopped. His cock as deep as it could go and pressed right up against his prostate. It was torture as Dean just slowly rocked his hips just enough to stimulate Castiel’s nerve endings but not enough to get him off.

“You like that, Cas?” Dean taunted into his ear, his breath warm against his skin. “You like my cock pressed, _right there_.” he said as he grinded his hips hard against Castiel’s prostate.

“Dean--!” Castiel keened as his fingernails dug into Dean’s shoulders.

“As much as I love to tease you, I can’t keep this up for much longer.” Dean admitted before he pulled back and thrust into Castiel as hard as he could.

His balls were slapping hard against Castiel’s ass filling the small space with the sound of skin on skin. It was brutal and punishing but Castiel loved every second of it, clinging to Dean with everything he had as he tried to catch his breath. Breathlessly, he panted Dean’s name over and over, feeling the familiar heat pool in his gut as Dean drove him closer and closer to the edge.

“I’m going to come, Dean.” Castiel warned, “Please, I’m gonna come.”

Dean didn’t respond except for a grunt into Castiel’s ear as his arms pulled him in tighter, driving harder into Castiel as he chased his own orgasm. It had Castiel’s skin on fire, his toes curling as Dean punished his prostate with thrust after thrust.

“Shit, Cas!” Dean groaned, “Fucking tight.”

Castiel gripped tighter onto Dean as he felt himself get impossibly close, “Oh, oh oh,” Castiel panted, “I’m there, Dean, fuck!” he keened as he came between their bodies, white hot ropes of come painting his torso as well as Dean’s with how close they were pressed together.

“Jesus...” Dean panted, “You’re fucking amazing when you come.” Castiel could barely process what Dean was saying but he smiled dopily up at Dean as he chased his own orgasm, pumping his hips faster into Castiel’s loose, fucked out body before he too finally came, filling Castiel up.

Dean’s hips were still rocking minutely making Castiel whine at the over-sensitiveness as they both rode out the aftershocks of their orgasms. They both winced when Dean finally pulled out of him but Castiel was too fucked out too care. Instead, he rolled to his side, pulling Dean with him before he fell asleep, safe and warm in Dean’s arms.

It was the best he’d slept in years.


	10. Chapter 10

An obnoxiously loud ringtone awoke Castiel in the early hours the following morning. He could tell it was still early because the sky was only just starting to turn orange from the sunrise and the birds were tweeting offensively noisy in the nearby forest. Somehow in their sleep, the two men had arranged themselves so Dean was against the back rest of the seat, with Castiel in front of him cocooned in Dean’s arms. He was hyper aware of their naked forms as he came to his senses, feeling Dean’s warmth radiate onto his back. If it weren’t for the ringing, Castiel could have easily snuggled back into Dean’s arms and slept some more even if it meant his legs were cramped from being curled up for too long.

“Dean.” Castiel whispered, “Let me go.”

“No.” Dean mumbled as he tightened his hold, “Stay.”

Castiel grunted in frustration as he tried to pull free. When Dean finally did unravel his arms, Castiel leant over the front seat and searched through his jacket for his phone. Once found, he glanced down at the screen only to see ten new messages and fifteen missed calls. Worried, he unlocked his phone only to see that the majority of the calls he had missed were from Jo and two from Balthazar. The messages were from Jo yelling at him to pick up his phone as well as a notification that he had multiple voicemails.

With the voicemail number dialled, Castiel sat back on the seat where Dean still slept and entered his pin to listen to them.

The first was from Balthazar,

“ _Morning Darling, I know it’s early but I thought I’d ring you, I’m not surprised you haven’t answered but I thought I’d try anyway. It was meant to be a surprise but I’m on my way down to see you! I’m just getting on the plane now so hopefully by the time I’ve landed you’ll be awake. I’ll see you soon, Cassie!”_

Castiel’s jaw dropped, unable to process what he had heard. He was dimly aware of the voice giving him instructions but he must have been silent for too long as it moved on to the next message.

“ _I guess you’re not awake yet, I’ve just got a car and driving down now. See you in a couple of hours!”_

Castiel quickly made his way out of the car, startling Dean in the process.

“Woah, where’s the fire?” Dean sleepily asked.

Castiel didn’t answer, instead he was running around the car in search of his clothes. He cringed when he found them, covered in dew but he was far from caring as he pulled them on – he had bigger things to worry about.

“Dean, we have to go.” Castiel replied as he pulled on his shirt.

“What why?” Dean asked sitting up.

Castiel grabbed Dean’s pants and threw them at the other man as he replied, “Because my fiancé is on his way down here.”

“So?” Dean asked his voice hard.

Castiel stopped and stared at Dean with hard eyes, “So I’m still engaged to him, Dean! What we did wasn’t alright! I cheated on him! I am _not_ that person!”

“Well you cheated on me with him!” Dean tried to reason.

“That was different, Dean! We were separated. We are all but divorced and we would actually be divorced if you would stop being so pig headed!” Castiel screamed back. He was beyond frustrated now. He was confused and feeling guilty about what they had done and he knew it wasn’t Dean’s fault but Dean was there and it was so much easier to just blame him than to admit he was the one in the wrong.

“How is that different? I fucking love you Cas, and I know you love me! You wouldn’t have let me do what we did if you didn’t!” Dean retorted.

“Oh don’t start that,” Castiel growled, “Don’t act like what happened actually meant something. It didn’t.” Castiel knew he was hitting Dean where it hurt and he knew that it did mean something to both of them but there was no way he was admitting that, not with Balthazar on his way. He was happy with Balthazar, he would never be happy with Dean. “We were just vulnerable and confused with our feelings, first love and all that,” Castiel dismissed.

Dean scoffed, “Do you actually believe a single word coming out of your mouth right now? Because I’m not buying it. Last night meant something to you and you can try and deny it all you want but it’s not going to work on me Cas. I know you too well. I know you’re lying to me and to yourself.”

“You don’t even know me anymore, Dean! You don’t know one thing about me!” Castiel yelled, “I am a completely different person, successful even. I have people who would do anything for me back home and I have a man who loves me unconditionally on his way down here right now so please will you do as I ask and drive me home!”

“No.” Dean gritted through his, “Not until you tell me the truth.”

“I am telling you the truth!” Castiel screamed, “But once again you aren’t listening!”

“Not buying it.”

“Well I’m sorry but I’m telling you the truth. I do not want a relationship with you. Last night was just sex and that’s where it stops.”

Dean looked up at him with a hurt expression, searching Castiel’s face for any sign of deceit.

“You don’t mean that.” Dean murmured, “You can’t mean that.”

“Just drive me home, Dean,” Castiel replied cooly before he silently rounded the car and slid into the passenger seat.

Not once did he turn to look to see if Dean was doing as he asked, instead he was looking through the messages on his phone from his sister. At first, they had been asking what had happened progressing towards assuming that something had happened between them before they dissolved into Jo demanding where Castiel was. With a sigh, Castiel pressed the call button and pressed his phone to his ear.

“Jesus Christ, Cas! Where the fuck are you?” His sister yelled into his ear.

“I’m on my way back now.” Castiel replied as he looked across to the driver’s door where Dean had just climbed in, a scowl on his face. He was upset and angry, Castiel could see that, and Dean had every right to be but Castiel didn’t have the energy or the time to placate Dean. He had to worry about the fact his fiancé was on his way to see him and he had just cheated on him with his ex-husband whom he didn’t know existed.

“Thank God for that!” Jo replied, “I thought maybe you’d run off again and left me to deal with all your shit.”

“No Jo.” Castiel replied, “I haven’t run off. Dean is going to drop me home soon.” He gnawed on his lower lip debating whether or not to tell her before he just blurted it out, “Balthazar is on his way down.”

“What?!” Jo shrieked causing Castiel to pull his phone away from his ear with a wince, “Your fiancé is coming and you just spent the night with Dean?! Jesus fuck Cas, you’ve really put your foot in it this time.”

“Jo please.” Castiel begged, “I can’t deal with this right now. If he shows up just tell him I went out for a walk or something.”

His sister scoffed, “Great now you’ve got me lying for you.”

“Please.” he pleaded.

“Fine.” she pacified, “But only because you’re my brother.”

“Thank you. I’ll be home soon.”

The drive back to town was silent and most definitely the most awkward drive of Castiel’s life. The whole way he was so worried about what would happen when Balthazar showed up, if he would be able to lie his way out of it or whether it would be best to just tell Balthazar the truth. Castiel had _never_ been the type of person to cheat on their partner. His parents had raised him to know better than to cheat and now that he had turned into the type of person that had, he had no idea what to do. He hated himself for it. He felt dirty and like the lowest of the low. There was no way out of it, he was not about to start his life with Balthazar on a lie. It was one moment of weakness and there was no way he was going to repeat it.

When they arrived at the house, Castiel felt his stomach leap into his throat as he saw the Lexus parked in the driveway. There was no doubt it was Balthazar’s, nobody in town owned a car like that.

The roar of the Impala’s engine must have alerted his family because the next thing he knew, everyone was outside to see them come back. His mother had a disapproving frown on her face with her arms crossed over her chest, his father an unreadable expression that was somewhere between disapproval and confusion while his sister was there next to Balthazar who had a confused expression which formed into a grin once he saw Castiel. It only made Castiel feel even guiltier to see him.

As soon as the vehicle stopped moving, Castiel was out of the car and walking up the driveway to greet his fiancé.

“Cassie!” Balthazar greeted wrapping his arms around Castiel and kissing him deeply on the lips. It felt completely wrong and it made Castiel sick to his stomach causing him to pull away. Balthazar didn’t seem to notice instead he looked past Castiel towards the road. “Who’s your friend?” he asked causing Castiel to wince.

Before Castiel could reply, Dean did it for him, “Dean Winchester.” he greeted, “Castiel’s now _ex-_ husband.” The divorce papers were shoved into Castiel’s chest with a shove causing him to stumble back slightly.

“W-what?” Balthazar stuttered before him, “Husband? I’m sorry have I missed something? I didn’t know you were married?”

Castiel was stood dead in his tracks gaping like an idiot. He had no idea how to respond. Balthazar was here demanding answers while Dean had just signed the divorce papers while outing his biggest secret in front of his fiancé.

“Well we aren’t now. Have a good life, Castiel.” Dean growled with a ferocious expression that actually scared Castiel. He had never seen Dean look at him like that and it made his heart ache to see it now.

Dumbfounded, Castiel watched as Dean stormed down the driveway back to the Impala before he ripped open the door and shoved himself inside. He tore off with his tires screeching down the road until he hung a right and disappeared out of sight. Castiel hadn’t noticed his hands were shaking until he tried to rearrange the papers in his hands to actually look at them. In his attempts, he ended up just dropping them all.

“What the fuck is going on?!” Balthazar roared behind him, “You’re fucking married?” he yelled, “Were you going to tell me this before or after the wedding?”

“I-I,” Castiel stuttered, his brain trying and failing to catch up with the conversation, “I can explain...” Castiel got out his voice small and broken, “Please let me explain.”

“Is that why you weren’t returning my calls? Because you were too busy shacked up with him!?” Balthazar yelled, as he stepped away from Castiel, his hands running through his hair.

Tears started to well up in Castiel’s eyes as he stood there unable to formulate words.

“Tell me, Cas, did you sleep with him?” Balthazar asked softly but Castiel could tell he already knew the answer, he just wanted to hear Castiel say it.

It took a moment for Castiel to collect his thoughts but he knew there was no point in denying it. Balthazar was mad at him already for lying about being married to Dean, Castiel sleeping with him may make him angrier but at least it would all be out there in the open.

“Yes.” Castiel whispered.

“For fuck’s sake.” Balthazar breathed as he ran a hand through his hair, “You know I never thought my mother would be right. She said that you were hiding something from the moment she met you but I just thought she was being a paranoid, overprotective, old git but apparently she was right.”

The tears were flowing freely from Castiel’s eyes now. He had nothing, he was nothing. Balthazar was going to leave him, Dean had divorced him leaving him with nothing.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean for you to find out this way.” Castiel tried to reason, “I should’ve told you from the start I know that now but I didn’t think it would matter.”

“You didn’t think it would matter!?” Balthazar yelled once more causing Castiel to wince, “You are fucking married to another person, Castiel. Of course it fucking matters!”

Castiel sniffled as his hands came up to his face and tried to wipe the tears away. His hands were shaking uncontrollably as more tears replaced the ones he wiped away.

“I’m sorry..” Castiel repeated, “I really am sorry.”

Balthazar shook his head as he wiped his mouth angrily, “I think you’re just sorry you got caught.”

Castiel looked up at Balthazar with wide eyes shaking his head, “No, no.” he tried to reassure, “That’s not what happened, please can we just go inside and I’ll tell you everything, please?”

For a moment, Castiel actually believed that Balthazar would agree and let Castiel explain but the second Castiel saw Balthazar shake his head and look to his car, he knew that wasn’t going to happen.

“Please.” Castiel tried one more time.

“I’m sorry, Castiel, there’s a lot of things I can forgive but lying about being married and then sleeping with that person aren’t forgivable. I think it’s best if we just call it all off now.”

“No, please, Balth...” Castiel pleaded grabbing onto Balthazar’s arm as he turned to walk towards his car.

Much to Castiel’s heartache, Balthazar pulled his arm free, “Goodbye, Castiel.”

Castiel watched as Balthazar climbed into his Lexus and backed out of the driveway, his feet stuck to the ground unable to do anything more. When his car was out of sight, Castiel stooped down to retrieve the papers that Dean had signed and shoved at him earlier. There in black and white, Dean had signed the papers. They were done, over, no more. Castiel should have felt relieved that finally, Dean was out of his life but now his relationship with Balthazar had crashed and burned and he wanted nothing to do with him. In the haze of it all, Castiel wasn’t sure what hurt more; the divorce or Balthazar leaving him.

Over the next couple of days, Castiel barely spoke a word to anyone. His family tried to console him but he would block them out, unable to speak about what had happened. It was bad enough that he had been dumped but to be dumped while his family stood there and watched? Humiliating.

His mother would bring him his favourite comfort foods but he barely touched them. He couldn’t bring himself to enjoy them. He deserved what had happened. He had cheated, he had lied, there was no way he deserved Balthazar and he didn’t deserve Dean either.

When Jo came in on the Monday morning, Castiel had managed to get himself together enough to pack his gear up to leave. His flight wasn’t until the evening but he just wanted to put it all behind him and get back to New York where he could wallow in self-pity until Gabriel forced him on a bender.

“Cas, you should go see him.” Jo spoke softly as she sat down on his bed.

Castiel eyed her warily, “See who Jo? Dean? I don’t think so. I think he made it quite clear he wanted nothing to do with me. They both did.”

He continued to pack, ignoring his sister until she grabbed his hands and forced him to stop, “Dean didn’t make anything clear. He did something in the heat of the moment and Dean being Dean, he’s probably off doing the exact same thing you are – feeling sorry for himself. You’ve both been through this once, Cas, don’t do it to yourselves again.”

Castiel eyed his sister for a moment. He didn’t really want to believe her. Dean may have signed the papers in the heat of the moment but he wouldn’t have done it if he didn’t want it. Not something that big. However, as he looked at his sister who had mastered the puppy-dog look, he knew he wouldn’t be able to leave without going and at least seeing Dean one more time.

“Fine...” he resigned, “I’ll go and see him.”

“Good.” she smiled as she stood to her feet, “I’ll drive you.”

Castiel rolled his eyes but didn’t protest as he followed his sister outside. He caught sight of himself in the mirror as he walked out and he looked as bad as he felt. There were bags under his eyes that were bloodshot and red, his face was covered in scruff after not shaving the past couple of days and he looked absolutely miserable. Maybe Dean would talk to him out of pity.

The drive over, Castiel tried to gather his thoughts as to what he would actually say to Dean but he couldn’t think of anything. He had no idea how he could explain anything to Dean. After what happened with Balthazar, he wasn’t in any state of mind to be mending things with Dean but he knew what had happened the other night wasn’t just a one off thing. He had tried to bury the feelings he’d felt for Dean for too long and in a moment of weakness they all came rushing back. There would be no way he would be able to bury them for a second time.

Before Castiel realised, they were outside of the shed that Dean had brought Castiel to the previous night. It looked a lot different during the day but Castiel could still recognise it. The first three bays had their front rollers open and Castiel could see a couple of people meandering around inside. Clearly Dean was doing a lot better than Castiel had expected.

It took him a moment, but once Castiel gathered his wits, he climbed out of the truck and headed towards the garage. Dean’s truck was there so Castiel knew the other man would be inside.

“Hey what can I help you with?” a woman with bright red hair and a t-shirt that said ‘WWHD’ in big letters before underneath it in smaller writing ‘What Would Hermione Do?’.

Castiel eyed the small wiry girl for a second, before he answered, “I’m actually looking for Dean.”

Her expression changed in an instant to something dark, “Uh Dean’s a little indisposed at the moment. Had a rough weekend and I don’t think he’s up to visitors right now. Is there something I can help you with?”

Castiel shook his head, “No I really just need to see Dean. It’s kind of important.”

The redhead shook her head, “Look I’m sorry but there’s no way you can see him today.”

Just as she finished speaking, there was an almighty crash, the sound of breaking glass before the back door of the workshop opened and in stepped Dean who had a feral look on his face, sweat covering his skin and when Castiel looked a little closer, blood dripping from his knuckles.

“As I said, he’s not up for visitors,” the woman said breaking Castiel out of his trance of watching Dean as he disappeared through a side door, slamming it behind him. A moment later, the sound of a truck starting up caused Castiel to look outside only to see Dean roar off in his truck, a cloud of dirt in his wake.

His head was telling him to just leave but his gut was telling him to investigate where Dean had come from. Against better judgement, he listened to his gut and headed towards the back door.

“Woah, woah where do you think you’re going?” the red head asked, “You’re not allowed back there.”

“Look,” Castiel said, “I just need to look outside and then I’ll be out of your hair okay?”

The redhead looked a little hesitant but she nodded anyway and let Castiel lead the way to the back door. When they got into the rear yard, Castiel’s heart broke for the third time in as many days. There in front of him was the car Dean had taken and repaired only now, the Impala was shattered to pieces once more. It was if someone had taken a crowbar to it and beaten it until they couldn’t do it anymore. All the windows were smashed, the tyres slashed and the paint scratched and dented. One of the windows had just one hole straight through the middle with blood on the shards of glass. Clearly Dean had punched his fist through it.

Castiel felt sick. Tears blurred his vision and he knew just looking at the beaten up car that what he and Dean had was well and truly over.


	11. Chapter 11

When Castiel returned to New York, he was no better off than when he had first arrived in the giant city. If anything he felt worse. He’d lost not one but two people whom he cared about all because he couldn’t seem to make up his mind as to what he wanted. When he had, it had been too late and he’d lost Dean forever.

On his return, Gabriel had met him at the airport and knew something was up the moment he saw him. Gabriel being Gabriel didn’t let Castiel off without explain going to such measures as to locking the door and not letting him out of the car until he told him what happened.

“Jesus, Cassie, you really outdid yourself this time.” Gabriel proclaimed once Castiel had finished explaining. “What are you going to do now?” he asked.

Castiel shrugged, “Right now all I want to do is go home and sleep.”

Gabriel looked him over for a moment before he nodded, “Alright I’ll let you out but only if your promise me that on Wednesday we are going out. I don’t care if you’re not in the mood, we are going to get absolutely shitfaced so that we don’t remember our own names let alone anyone else’s.”

Castiel couldn’t help but snort at that. It was the same thing they had done when Castiel had first met Gabriel. It only seemed fitting to do it again now. Every night out with Gabriel was an adventure and a half that always left Castiel with the mother of all hangovers, a hefty dent in his bank account as well as a night of memories that even the drunkest of states couldn’t erase. The one downside was that sometimes, those stories weren’t in chronological order.

“Fine, but please just let me sleep for the next two days.” Castiel replied as he reached for the handle of the recently unlocked door.

“Deal.” Gabriel replied before he got out of his car and grabbed Castiel’s suitcase. As he put in onto the curb, Gabriel stopped Castiel with a hand on his arm as he was about to grab it. He had a determined look on his face that only showed when he was being completely serious and Castiel knew that he was going to be sincere. “Promise me you’ll call if you need anything? I know you and I know you just want to be alone right now but if you need someone to yell at or to cry on a shoulder then I’m here for you, okay?” he said.

Castiel nodded, “Yeah Gabe I promise, thank you.”

After they said their goodbyes, Castiel rode the elevator up to his apartment floor and headed inside. It was with a heavy sigh that he opened the door and stepped into his apartment. He dumped his keys, wallet, and phone onto the console by the door, his suitcase wheeled in and placed next to it. As he stumbled tiredly further into the apartment, out of his peripheral vision he noticed a white envelope on the floor. Confused, he stooped down to pick it up and inspect. There was no note on either side as to what was inside but from the heaviness of the envelop he guess what it was and it made his heart sink.

Opening the envelope confirmed his suspicions and inside was a key to his apartment. The same key he had given to Balthazar. Tears formed in his eyes as he looked at the key but it wasn’t that he was sad that Balthazar had left, it was more that he was disappointed that he didn’t feel more. He knew that he should feel heartbroken that Balthazar had called off the engagement and that he had left him without another word but he didn’t. The tears only came because of his lack of emotion over it all. What his heart really wanted was Dean, but in the whirlwind of it all, he’d managed to screw that up too.

Frustrated, he threw the key across the room towards the kitchen before he stormed off to his bedroom. He flopped onto his bed, pulled a pillow to his chest and sobbed into it as he thought about Dean and what they could’ve been if he hadn’t of been such a hot head when he’d panicked about Balthazar showing up. He cried until he fell asleep, and when he awoke several hours later, he did it all over again.

When Wednesday rolled around, Gabriel sent him a message and told him that he would be coming over that night no excuses. Castiel knew there was no getting out of it and he found that he didn’t particularly want to. He wanted to get his mind off of everything and he knew going out with Gabriel he would be able to forget everything for the entire night. The next day he would be able to sleep everything away and he’d deal with the consequences later.

During the day, he made an effort with himself. He tidied his apartment as the layer of dust on everything after his time away was a little too thick for his liking, he showered and did his laundry, he called Crowley and made sure everything with the exhibition was running smoothly, he replied to the many emails he had in his inbox from multiple people inquiring and congratulating him on his work, and through it all, he thought about Dean and how much he missed him.

It hurt more than it had the first time. The first time, he knew nothing else but Dean and it had hurt like nothing he had ever felt but now that he had a taste of the new Dean, the Dean that had turned his life around and had tried to make a life for himself _because of Castiel_. This time around he found he hurt so much more. Even the menial tasks of cleaning his apartment and running errands weren’t enough to take his mind off of it like it had in the past. However, without a doubt, a night out with Gabriel would do just that.

Before Gabriel arrived at his apartment, he had already managed to get himself a little buzzed. The liquor was there and he found that he really didn’t care if he was drunk before Gabriel even arrived. That was the point anyway so why not? Gabriel noticed, of course he had but if he was worried, he didn’t show it.

They had a couple more drinks at the apartment before Gabriel dragged Castiel into a taxi and took him to the first bar of the night. They had drink after drink, talking about everything but the latest events. Gabriel’s business was booming and Castiel was so unbelievably proud of his best friend. They had both come a long way since they had come to New York.

It was around the time that they reached the third bar that Castiel was stumbling. Everything was a blur and he really couldn’t do much but sit at the bar. It didn’t stop the drinks, he knew he should stop but thoughts of Dean were still plaguing him in the lull in conversations so he drank more and more until the point where he couldn’t feel anything, until he lost all cohesive thought and just lost himself on the numerous dance floors and the night turned into morning.

The next day Castiel awoke with a groan. He had absolutely no idea what time it was but his head was throbbing like something chronic and his stomach was rolling even without him moving. He stretched his arms out only to have his left arm his something. Startled, he sat up, his stomach leaping into his throat as he did so but he swallowed past his gag and instead looked to the other side of the bed.

At first, he thought Gabriel must have crashed in the bed with him but as he saw the long, brown almost black hair, he knew it was definitely not Gabriel. On further investigation, he realised that he was naked, except for his boxer shorts which was strange for him as usually when he got blind drunk, he would collapse into bed and pass out, clothes and all. Gasping, Castiel leapt out of bed and ran to the bathroom where he threw up. His eyes were watering with the taste of bile filling his mouth and burning his throat. Not a single memory of who the person in his bed was came to mind as he was in the bathroom, spewing his guts out.

After he’d washed his mouth out and washed his face, he had built up the courage to venture out and find out who was in his bed. As he walked he tried to think of a way to wake up the sleeping body but as he exited, he saw that the brunette was awake and sitting up in bed, with a sheet covering her chest down.

“What the fuck?” Castiel breathed as he looked at the woman.

“Well, clearly you don’t remember anything about last night.” the woman laughed a predatory smirk on her face as if she knew something that Castiel clearly didn’t.

Castiel stuttered confused as he stood rooted to the spot, “Did-Did we?” Castiel asked gesturing vaguely between the two of them.

The brunette winked at him, making Castiel swallow hard. He felt the bile rising in his throat once more, not at the fact he’d slept with a stranger but more the fact that he had got so drunk that he didn’t even remember having sex. As Castiel swayed on the spot, the woman started laughing.

“Calm down, Clarence.” the woman soothed, “Nothing happened between us. Well other than the kiss we shared at the club. I’d told you how I didn’t actually have a place to stay last night and you offered.”

Castiel let out a sigh of relief before he quickly realised that it may have sounded offensive.

“Relax, I know how you feel. You actually told me quite a few times last night that you were still hung up on your husband.”

“Ex-husband.” Castiel muttered sorrowfully.

“Yeah, you also made that well-known too.”

“Fuck...” Castiel groaned, running his hands through his greasy hair.

“Really, Clarence, you need to relax.” the mystery woman continued to try and calm him down.

It wasn’t working.

Castiel’s breathing grew ragged, his nausea coming back with vengeance. He knew he could be a little out of control when he was drunk but spilling out his problems to complete strangers, kissing strangers and inviting them back to his place to sleep was a complete new level of carelessness.

“I’m going to be sick.” was all he got out before he dashed back to the bathroom, puking his guts out once more.

After his stomach settled, he emerged from the bathroom with a groan and collapsed onto his bed. He could hear the woman laughing next to him and it did not help his mood whatsoever. Slowly, Castiel turned his head so he was looking at the brunette who had repositioned herself to settle with her back against the headboard, the comforter pulled up to cover her chest. She noticed him and looked down at him with a smile, her hand reaching out to run through his hair. It was something his mother did when he felt sick, and he’d be lying if he said the touch wasn’t helping, even if it was from a complete stranger.

“Not to be rude, but I seriously have no idea what your name is.” Castiel croaked.

“I’m not surprised you don’t remember – it’s Meg.”

“Nice to meet you Meg.” Castiel replied before he let out a yawn, unable to keep his eyes open while Meg continued to stroke through his hair.

“Go to sleep, Clarence.” Meg whispered soothingly.

“Name’s Castiel...” Castiel murmured drowsily as he drifted off to sleep.

When Castiel awoke next, Meg was still by his side, fast asleep. His head was pounding and his stomach was still a little uneasy but he didn’t feel the need to rush to the bathroom. With a grimace, he realised just how gross he felt. He could feel the sweat and grime still clinging to him and he knew he was in desperate need for a shower. As quietly as he could, as not to wake Meg, Castiel left the bed and crept into the bathroom.

After a quick shower, he felt a lot better, but the lingering effects of his hangover made him want to just crawl onto his couch and watch bad television for the rest of the day. With a towel around his waist, he made his way back to his bedroom to get a fresh change of clothes, dressing in his favourite sweatpants that were so old there were holes at the bottom and the elastic was completely useless but they were comfortable and Castiel never had the heart to throw them out. He pulled on his hoodie from college and some thick socks before he dumped his towel in the hamper and walked out to the living room in some desperate need of coffee.

When he saw what greeted him on his couch, he snorted and rolled his eyes. Gabriel was passed out, face down wearing nothing but a red thong causing Castiel’s nausea to rear its head once more. It was definitely a sight he could have lived with never seeing.

Quietly, he padded past his best friend to the kitchen to boil the jug and make himself a coffee. He’d just put the jug on and was rummaging through his cabinet looking for coffee when he realised with a sigh that he didn’t have any. He rubbed a hand over his face, and growled quietly in frustration before he switched off the jug. Unable to deal much longer without aspirin, he grabbed the bottle he always kept above the fridge and poured out a couple and tipped them back with a bottle of water.

With a glance at his friend, he knew Gabriel would also be in some desperate need for some pain killers and water so he poured another glass for Gabriel and placed it on the coffee table in his line of sight with the aspirin beside it.

Still needing coffee, Castiel headed back to his bedroom in search of his wallet and keys, hoping he hadn’t lost them during the night. However, when he walked back into the bedroom, Meg was awake and sitting with her back against the headboard once more, looking at something on her phone. She looked up at him with a smile which Castiel returned, even if it was forced.

“So, you going to talk this through or are you going to wallow in self-pity for the next six months?” Meg asked leaving Castiel a little taken back. “Oh don’t give me that look, Clarence.” she continued, “Clearly the way you’re dealing with this whole mess isn’t working so why don’t you try and talk about it?”

Castiel shook his head, closing the door behind him so Meg’s raised voice didn’t wake up Gabriel. “I barely know you, what makes you think I’m going to just spill all my problems to you?”

Meg laughed, “You had no problem telling me last night.”

Castiel crossed his arms over his chest, “I was drunk.” he huffed.

“Yeah I know.” Meg countered, “Look all I’m saying is maybe now that you’re sober you might want to talk about it, get all your thoughts out there. I mean sometimes, a complete stranger who has no idea about the situation or the people involved can help to make a clean, unbiased decision. All I can do is offer you some advice, it’s up to you whether you take it or not.”

Castiel nodded, realising Meg made a good point.

“Come on, lie down with me and tell me everything, right from the beginning. I mean you told me a bit last night but it was quite a bit of a mess and you were slurring quite badly.”

With a snort, Castiel did as he was told and lay down on his bed next to Meg and told her everything. He started from the beginning about Dean being his best friend ever since he could remember all the way up until the latest events that lead to Dean signing the divorce papers and leaving his life for good. Meg on her part stayed silent, only asking questions when she got a little confused but other than questions, she listened to Castiel’s spiel and only when he was done did she speak.

“So you didn’t even go after him?” Meg asked referring to when Dean had driven off in his truck in a huff after smashing the Impala into oblivion, “You didn’t follow him and actually talk to him? Maybe if you had, you wouldn’t be in this mess. Didn’t ever occur to you that Dean just wanted you to tell him you still love him?”

“Nothing I could have said or done would have made him stay,” Castiel answered, “Dean made it pretty clear he wanted nothing to do with me. The moment he signed those papers it was over. The smashed Impala just cemented it.”

“You realise he only signed the papers after you rejected him right?” Meg reasoned, “He laid it all out for you, told you how much he still cared, how much he still wanted you and you threw it back in his face, told him you didn’t love him anymore and that you were still in love with another man.”

“Yes I do realise that.” Castiel growled, “That’s why I didn’t go after him. I knew he was hurt and the last thing he would have wanted was me turning up and taking back everything I’d said. I said all of those things because I knew they would hurt him, that he would no longer want to be with me and I could have my life with Balthazar.”

“But that’s not what you want is it?” Meg asked, “Otherwise you would’ve fought a lot harder to get Balthazar back and not be here feeling sorry about yourself.”

“I don’t know any more, Meg. I thought I’d shut the door on that part of my life. I was happy with Balthazar and then I go down there to end everything with Dean and all of a sudden it flooded back. I tried to fight it off, honestly I did, but the night of the fair and Dean showing me the Impala, I couldn’t resist. And God, everything just came back full blast and I freaked out. I couldn’t handle it because I was still with Balthazar and I just… fuck… I never wanted to be that guy and now I am and I’ve wrecked two lives as well as my own because of it.”

Meg took a moment to process what Castiel had said, leaving Castiel feeling even more miserable. He buried his face in his hands as tears welled up in his eyes. Meg’s hand on his back, running up and down soothed him slightly but he still felt his emotions getting the best of him.

“There’s still time to fix this...” Meg said breaking the silence, “You can still get him back. I’m sure Dean is hurting just as much as you and would be doing the same thing you’re doing right now – blaming himself. From what you’ve told me, you and Dean have a pretty amazing bond. You were best friends forever, turned lovers and all because in the end you wanted different things – while you were still teenagers I might add – you think it’s all over. Feelings like that don’t just turn off. Relationships are hard work; you need to both give and take and stop being assholes to each other.”

Castiel was still contemplating Meg’s latest remark when Gabriel emerged from the lounge, venturing into Castiel’s bedroom.

“Jesus fuck,” Gabriel groaned as he rubbed his eyes, “I have never been that hung over ever, I’m pretty sure I’m still drunk.” Castiel watched amused as Gabriel shifted around the bedroom before he fell straight onto Castiel’s bed.

“Where the fuck are my clothes?” Gabriel asked as he looked down at himself as he rolled to his back, “Actually, you know what I don’t want to know. I’m going to have a shower and steal some of your clothes, Cassie, then we’re going out for breakfast, or dinner, whatever.”

“Whatever you need, Gabe.” Castiel nodded with an amused smirk.

It was as Gabriel stretched out that he smacked his arm into Meg’s leg, causing him to quickly retract his hand and turn his head to look at the woman.

“Who the fuck are you?” he asked blatantly, “And _what_ are you doing in Cassie’s bed?” he turned to Castiel with a confused look, “I thought you were gay?”

Castiel rolled his eyes at his friend, “I am gay.” Castiel replied, “First of all, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I can’t sleep with woman. Second, Meg and I _didn’t_ sleep together, and third, how did it take you so long to notice someone else in my bed?”

Gabriel squinted his eyes at Castiel as he answered with a groan, “I’m still drunk, Cassie, give me a break.”

“Yeah, yeah, just go have your shower and we’ll get some food,” Castiel replied, shoving Gabriel with his feet causing him to fall off the bed with a thump.

After a short moment lying on the floor, Gabriel clambered to his feet and headed to the bathroom, glaring at Castiel as he went.

“Gabriel.” Meg called out, causing him to stop glaring at Castiel and look towards Meg, “Can you please return my thong too, preferably washed.”

Gabriel looked down at himself, then to Meg, before blushing bright red and heading into the bathroom, closing the door with a thwack.

Castiel broke out into laughter, Meg joining him.

“I have _never_ seen Gabriel blush like that.” Castiel wheezed through his laughter.

“I’m glad I could help you experience that.” Meg chuckled before she moved out of the bed and bent down to pick up her clothes from her side of the bed. Castiel averted his eyes, his cheeks heating at seeing Meg’s naked body. She didn’t seem ashamed of it however, instead, finding her clothes, slipping into her jeans – thong less – and pulled on her shirt.

Awkwardly, Castiel cleared his throat and got himself out of bed too and found some comfortable jeans to change into. They were well worn, the denim faded and holes started to appear in the hem and the back pocket but they were his favourite pair and his most comfortable. Once he found his blue converse, he pulled on his socks and shoes and then found a change of clothes that Gabriel could change into.

Fifteen minutes later, Gabriel emerged, looking a little worse for wear, his hangover apparently had set in, but he was all the more eager to head off down the road for breakfast. It was something that Castiel had learnt early on in their friendship that Gabriel loved sweet things as a hangover cure. When most people turned their noses up at maple syrup, strawberry sauce, icing sugar, and whatever else Gabriel could get his hands on, Gabriel seemed to perk right up.

“Let’s go.” Gabriel announced once he had his shoes on, “The faster I get some food in me, the faster my hangover will fuck off.” Both Meg and Castiel chuckled but dutifully followed Gabriel out of the apartment, Castiel locking it behind them.

They walked side-by-side down the sidewalk in the direction of the nearest diner, chatting idly about the previous night and trying to fill in the gaps. It was a painful process as Meg could only fill in the parts she had been with them and according to her, they had been to at least three other clubs by the time they met her.

“Well fuck.” Gabriel cursed, “I actually can’t remember the last time we actually got so plastered that we can’t piece the night together.”

Castiel shook his head with an amused smile, “Neither can I, but that was the purpose of the night was it not?”

Gabriel grinned at him, about to reply when an angry voice started shouting from across the street.

“What the fuck do you mean I can’t park here?!” the man yelled, “There are no other fucking parks in this city and I don’t see anything to tell me I can’t park here!”

Gabriel rolled his eyes, but kept walking, Meg following but Castiel felt a shiver run down his spine at the familiarity of the voice.

“Sir, please move your vehicle or I will have to call a tow truck and have it removed from the premises.” a calm and collected man replied, trying to placate the conversation.

Gabriel and Meg soon both noticed Castiel hadn’t followed and turned to look at Castiel who was frozen to the spot, unable to turn his head in the direction of the voice to confirm his suspicions as to who it was.

“Are you being fucking serious!? All I want to do is park here for ten minutes.”

“I’m sorry sir but you will have to find somewhere else to park.”

“Oh fuck you! You know what go ahead and call the towie I’ll be back before he even gets here!”

Gabriel stood in front of him, a worried expression on his face, “Cassie what’s wrong?”

Castiel shook his head unable to form words before he finally spluttered, “Is the man that is arguing about the parking spot about my height, brown hair, tanned skin?”

Gabriel looked at him confused for a moment but he looked across the street anyway in the direction of the argument. “Uh yeah? Why you know him?” he asked.

As soon as Gabriel confirmed it, Castiel whipped his head around to look. There across the street stood Dean, still arguing with the traffic officer, this time with lower voices so Castiel couldn’t hear what Dean was saying. It was obvious he was still fuming about having been told to move his car.

Dean hadn’t seen him, he knew that much but it was clear that Dean was about to storm off, no doubt resulting in his car being towed and a hefty fine to boot. Without a word to his friends, Castiel crossed the busy street straight over to where Dean looked as if he was about to add assaulting a traffic officer to his list of fines.

Just as Dean clenched his fist that Castiel noticed was still bandaged from when he punched through the window a few days ago, Castiel stepped in, causing Dean to stop in his tracks.

“Sir, I’m sorry, I was just across the road and we knew it wouldn’t take long. Please, we’ll move it now.” Castiel placated, ignoring the confused, surprised look Dean was giving him.

The traffic officer looked Castiel over before he nodded his head and looked to Dean, “You’re lucky your boyfriend here has nice manners or I would’ve been writing you a long list of fines.”

Castiel forced himself to laugh, covering Dean’s protests. “Yes he is, we can’t thank you enough. I’m sorry that Dean was so rude. He can be very hot headed at times.” Castiel joked ignoring the muttered, “You’re one to talk...” that Dean said.

Castiel elbowed Dean in the ribs, while still smiling at the traffic officer who looked them both over before walking away.

Once out of sight, Castiel whirled around and looked at Dean.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Dean?” Castiel asked just as Meg and Gabriel crossed the street and stood before the two men.

“Wait, _this_ , is Dean? As in _the Dean_?” Gabriel asked Castiel but was looking at Dean, eyeing him up and down, “I didn’t think he’d be this good looking. You didn’t exactly do him justice with your description, Cassie.” Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows at Dean, “You got a brother?”

“Gabriel!” Castiel hissed, “Not the time!”

Gabriel looked between the two of them, his eyebrows scrunched before Meg smacked him on the shoulder and hissed something in his ear.

“Oh my God!” he shouted as it just dawned on him, “Right.” he said, “Uhm Meg and I will uh meet you at the diner?” he asked, directing it at Cas.

Castiel nodded, “Yes I think that should be best. I’ll text you if something changes.”

Gabriel smirked at him, wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive manner which had Castiel rolling his eyes. He didn’t speak further however, just turned on his heel, looped his arm through Meg’s and walked back across the street. With the pair gone, Castiel turned his attention back to Dean who was nervously fidgeting on the spot, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck.

“Dean.” Castiel spoke gaining Dean’s attention, “What are you doing here?” he repeated.

Dean took a moment to reply, gnawing on his lower lip before he gained his confidence, looking up at Castiel with a look of determination in his eyes, “I came to see you.”

“Why?” he asked, “You made it pretty obvious you wanted nothing to do with me.”

Dean’s jaw clenched, his hands balling into fists at his sides, “Yeah because you lied to me!” he shouted.

“I never lied!” Castiel retorted.

“Don’t even try to deny you didn’t lie. You told me that what happened meant nothing – that you wanted to be with Baltha-whatever!” Dean growled, before he seemed to calm himself. “Cas, please, I didn’t come here to argue with you..” he continued, his voice lacking all the anger he seemed to have just moments earlier.

“Then why did you come here?” Castiel asked, losing all anger himself. He could feel hope starting to stir in his gut, that Dean had come here to reconcile, to start over and to go back to how they used to be.

Dean looked away for a moment, gathering his thoughts or his confidence, Castiel didn’t know, before he spoke softly, “Because I don’t want to lose you again.” Castiel’s breath hitched, unable to move or react as his heart started to beat harder in his chest as Dean continued, “I just, I was _so angry_. I thought you had finally come back to me you know? That we could finally just move past all the shit that we put each other through and start over but then you closed up on me again, pushed me aside like I meant nothing. So I did the one thing I could think of that might hurt you as much as it hurt me and signed the papers. If Balthazar was who you really wanted to be with, I wasn’t going to stand in the way of that. You deserve to be happy, Cas, and if that’s not with me then I understand, honestly I do I just wish that things could have been different you know?”

Castiel nodded dumbly, words failing him as Dean rambled. When Dean finally looked up at him, his green eyes shining, Castiel lost all resolve.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel whispered softly. When Dean looked at him confused, Castiel continued, “I’m sorry for leaving, I should have stayed with you and stopped being so selfish.”

“No, no,” Dean replied as he stepped forward into Castiel’s personal space and cupped his cheek, “You weren’t being selfish. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. You were pursuing your dream, Cas.” Castiel diverted his eyes, unable to look into Dean’s any longer, “I was an idiot. I pushed you away as I wallowed in self-pity. I was bitter that my dream had been smashed into smithereens while yours was still there for the taking. _I_ was that one that was selfish, not you.”

Tears streamed down Castiel’s cheeks at Dean’s words, his eyes finally meeting Dean’s and saw that tears had welled up in his too. A second later, Castiel’s lips found Dean’s own, the kiss deep and passionate, projecting all the emotions that were raging inside of them. When Dean’s tongue swiped over Castiel’s lips, Castiel readily opened his mouth, letting Dean’s tongue twist and twine with his own.

When they parted eventually for air, they both had shy grins on their faces, their lips read and swollen. Castiel’s hands were gripped into the front of Dean’s shirt, hanging on for dear life as if Dean would disappear again. Once he realised, he eased his grip, letting his hands rest on Dean’s chest instead.

“Do you want to go for a drive?” Dean asked, “We’d have to get out of the city for it to be any good, Baby ain’t exactly meant for city driving.”

“Baby?” Castiel asked, his eyes squinted, “I thought you smashed her to pieces.”

Dean looked away, his jaw clenching once more. When Castiel moved his hand to cup Dean’s cheek, Dean turned back to look at him, his posture relaxing.

“I did.” he answered, “That’s how pissed off I was at myself for what happened.”

“I’m sorry,” Castiel apologised again.

“Stop apologising.” Dean chastised, “We were both idiots but we’re together now and we’re going to get through this, right?”

“Right.” Castiel answered immediately, already feeling butterflies swirling in his stomach.

Dean grinned at him making Castiel’s knees weak “Now, if you’ll turn around, you’ll see that I’ve repaired Baby back to all her glory.”

Castiel slowly turned, looking down the street to where Dean had parked the Impala. He gasped as he saw it, unable to believe that Dean had done all that work in a mere couple of days.

“How did you even?” Castiel asked, his hand finding Dean’s and tangling their fingers together.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck with the back of his hand once more as he replied, “I had some help from your Dad.” he admitted, “He came over after Jo had told him what had happened. Called me an idjit and told me to get my ass up here and win you back.”

Castiel rolled his eyes with a smile, “Of course he did. You know ever since we broke up he has been on my case telling me how amazing you are, how I should never have let you go.”

“He did the same to me.” Dean replied causing Castiel to stop inspecting the car and look to Dean, “Guess he just knew we were always meant to be together.” Dean said with a shrug. “Come on.” Dean urged as he pulled on Castiel’s hand, “Let’s go for a drive.”

“Where are we going to go?” Castiel asked as he slid into the passenger’s seat while Dean rounded the car. When Dean was inside, he looked over at Cas and smiled, “You know what?” Castiel said as he buckled his seatbelt, “I don’t care. Let’s just drive.”

“There’s the Cas I love,” Dean grinned as he started the car and pulled out into the busy street.

An hour later, they were tearing down the open road with the windows down, music blaring, smiles on their faces with their hands entwined on the bench seat just as Castiel had dreamed of all those years ago in the abandoned lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to my artists! Please check out there work and like/reblog/comment on and give them a little love :)  
> [synesthetecas](http://synesthetecas.tumblr.com/tagged/dcbb15%20) and [gqharlie](http://goodquestionharlie.tumblr.com/post/131473960183/title-shadows-regrets-author)
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://assbuttintheimpalafiction.tumblr.com/)


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